So, if you're on my blog looking for the recap of 3x03 of Orange is the New Black, you're not going to find it today. Sorry! I want to take it easy today. It's rough to watch and recap, so I'm going to do a recap on a show I've watched more times than I would like to admit.
I won't say any of the spoilers beyond this episode (or at least I'll try, of course) and if I get enough feedback on this post, I'll be sure to recap the rest of the episodes. Just because I'm nice like that or something. Mainly, it's just another excuse to rewatch it again without feeling bad about myself. Also, I've had a pretty bad day and I just want to relax with my favorite show, you feel me?
See, I can practically recite the pilot. I know it starts off with toilet paper being thrown, cheerleaders, people partying, and fire in the air. Then, after all that, we see these people.
It's so obvious they're doing something horrible. I mean, nobody goes outside in this kind of weather unless they're asking for shit to happen.
Wes (I was going to make a Dean joke, but I'm not even going to pretend like I watched/loved Harry Potter) has brought back a trophy, which, in case you're wondering, is not a trophy that he won in track and field. I know, I know, disappointing. Michaela starts to freak out, because murder isn't something that control freaks like to be subjected to. Laurel starts spouting off what she knows about law, and I think that's something I would do in this situation. Except, I would be spouting off what I know from this show. It's probably a good thing I stay inside and don't interact with people, honestly.
They start to argue about whether to bury the body or not. Connor and Michaela aren't for it, but Laurel is. Laurel tells them that they don't know what they're talking about, because this is murder, and they're law students, not hitmen.
Wes does probably my favorite Wes thing that he's ever done, and just starts yelling at them to shut up. Now, I don't really think Wes is the most interesting character in the group (that goes to Connor or Laurel- Michaela sometimes is too much for me and Wes can be interesting, just not that interesting) but I can give him a gold red star for this action.
They decide whether or not the body of the totally mysterious person that I totally do not know who it is gets buried or not by flipping a coin. Everyone thinks it's stupid, and hell, even I thought it was stupid when I first watched it, but things get interesting about that coin later on, let me tell you.
We don't get to see if it landed on heads or tails, but we do get to hear some amazing music! Dark and Stormy by Hot Chip starts playing. See, this show plays a lot of IAMX, so I'm always a little bit surprised and thrown off when there's something other than that. Still an awesome song anyways.
We get taken back before the murder, and all the lighting has changed and everything looks so much brighter and more cheerful. Where Wes is still an innocent puppy and would never do wrong. Sorry, I'm jamming out to something other than IAMX right now and I'm loving it.
I got a bike, I got a law school, and I got a life!
First off, I'm a little pissed off that he's not wearing a helmet and then he just lets go of the handlebars. Wes, what the hell? Didn't you learn safety measures while riding bikes? Second off, it's obvious that he's from Ohio, because he's wearing plaid and has that look on his face like he doesn't know what's going to happen next. After this, he chains up his bike and we learn the law school is named Middleton Law School.
We get to see that a girl named Lila Stangard is missing, and we understand that this is important because we zoom up close to her missing persons posters. Wes heads into the building and overhears Bob Girl with Bangs saying she's thrown up four times this morning. Which, just sounds... gross. I don't think I've thrown up since middle school. Then, we see Asher/Bennett talking a little bit of shit about the professor, and saying he interned for Chief Justice Roberts. Fun fact, I studied for my criminal justice exam with this show just because of that line. Thanks, writers!
Wes takes his seat next to some girl I didn't like, and personally, I'm a little relieved that it turns out she's engaged. I mean, that means little in Television Land, but at least it would stop them from instantly hooking up. Wes is too much of a precious human being for mean girls, right?
Then, we see my fave for the first time. Well, not the first time. We saw him freaking out earlier, but this time around, he's calmer and more snarky.
Then, we see Viola Davis walk into the room and everything becomes so intense I feel like I need to take a break from writing this post because I feel like none of us are worthy. Honestly.
Guess what she calls her class? How To Get Away With Murder. That falls under a tv trope!
We see the opening credits for the first time. They're not long and they don't have any catchy music to jam out to, but I'm sure they'll do a The L Word next season and add one in. It's probably going to be done by IAMX, too.
I'm kidding.
The professor establishes that she is very serious and will teach her students the right way, and then moves along to the first case. She calls on Our Fave (actually, not really. Our Real Fave will come up in the next twenty minutes, I believe) and he answers right because he's an overachiever.
Asher gets called on next and answers without the help of Paris Geller, because he's a good person and even though he can seem like a doucheface, he really isn't. Yes, I believe in defending Asher. I know, I know.
Michaela gets called on and answers right but I don't care about her at all in this episode right now so I'm probably going to ignore her until she does something interesting. Don't worry, I don't always hate her.
The precious Wes who can't do no wrong gets called on and gets it wrong. What the fuck, Wes? We had expectations for you. I understand how he feels though- I think it's probably very hard- impossible, even- to bullshit your way through law school. Turns out he doesn't know because he was on the wait list and wasn't accepted until two days ago. The professor goes all badass on him, and then we hear someone say the correct answer.
This could technically count as the first Wes and Laurel interaction, if you think about it.
She was saving his ass since day one.
The professor isn't exactly impressed with her, which sucks because I'm impressed with her. Like, I can't do what she just did. Oh well, Annalise Keating isn't always right.
Connor asks what the verdict was, because he wants to show off in something other than hooking up. We learned that Annalise Keating lied to everyone and this case was just one she took in last week.
The client is some sad mistress who is being accused of trying to kill her lover or something. Asher makes some douchey comment about her being a slut or something and Laurel gives him a death glare of a thousand death glares. See, Laurel, I always knew you would be my fave. Well, one of them. Everyone is kind of my fave later on, except for somebody coming up really soon.
Keating tells them the case is in two days, and Wes goes last to present his plan. Poor Wes. You can't hate on people from Ohio, unless you're from Ohio yourself. Source: From Ohio.
We get to meet Paris Geller and this douchebag. They're her associates.
Keating tells all of the students that this assignment helps her decide which four students are going to work for her this year. It's pretty obvious who those four are.
We see that trophy that isn't for track and field in high school. Whoever helps win the case for the professor gets it to use as a murder weapon to use to get out of exams. See, we usually just get a sheet of paper here in Ohio. Wes probably sees it as an improvement on his entire life. I would, too.
Next, Wes is in his room brainstorming ideas for why the client isn't guilty. Then, some really awful music (that isn't IAMX- IAMX is too good to be this shit) starts playing. Apparently it's a Travis Barker song or something. Of course, it's disturbing Ohioan Brainstorming so Wes goes and knocks on his neighbor's door because god damn it, that's awful.
Of course, the girl who is playing the music is hot. Why wouldn't she be? This is television. In the real world, however, if someone is playing that crappy of music that loudly, they're some pale white boy who smokes weed and posts about it on Facebook. Whatever, bitterness over, Wes's face during this is perfect.
"Just found my future wife, nbd. Just need to change her music taste in Create-A-Wife, brb."
I understand you, Wes. I really do. I hate Tegan and Sara's music so much, and you know what that means for a lesbian? Dying alone, typically.
So his hot neighbor tells him that because he's a law student and the last guy who lived in his apartment was also a law student, she won't turn down her music. Because all law students are evil and have crazy loud rabbit sex, apparently.
Wes goes back to his apartment and sees these really crazy scratches above his bed. We're supposed to assume that his neighbor has it wrong and the last guy who lived there wasn't having crazy loud rabbit sex, but rather that he was an absolute tiger in bed. Or, at least, that's what I was thinking. What?
We get a million flashforwards to the trophy and that damn cheerleader being tossed in the air like a ball and even the coin (still don't know what exactly it landed on) but then we end up with four of the students (Michaela, Connor, Wes, and Laurel) at the crime scene (I suppose) with the body of whoever they murdered. Michaela is that one who isn't down with murder, Wes and Connor are rolling the body up into the rug, and Laurel is cleaning up the crime scene like a real friend. Michaela gives in to carry the body and they take it outside in front of literally everyone. At least it's wrapped in a carpet or else they could totally do something stupid and carry the body and pretend that they're only passed out.
Some policeman stops them, because Connor's car is blocking the sidewalk. Of course, it's suspicious that there's four people carrying a rug outside of a law professor's office. Michaela actually gets her shit together and answers the police officer's questions. She pretends to dial Annalise's number to call her to explain to the police officer why they're carrying a rug from her office, but Laurel points out that it's late and they shouldn't. See, Laurel has had to have done this before, right?
Some crazy college kids make some noise, so the police officer has to leave and go somewhere else. Thank Christ, too, because he could have thought they were carrying a large amount of drugs in there and asked to look through it. I mean, they could have always turned him down, but Michaela would totally be that person and do something to fuck it up. No offense Michaela, you're adorable and all, but Laurel totally has this thing down.
We flashback to the current case of that one mistress being accused of trying to kill her lover. Michaela offers a different suspect, who is the wife of the mistress's lover. She thinks that perhaps it would be reasonable to suspect that the guy's wife knew everything about him, including what aspirin would kill his cheating ass.
Go Michaela, go!
Wes scratches that off his list, and Michaela moves on to the next round. Asher and Laurel give good responses, but I'm more focused on Wes. You can practically see Ohio's corn resources dying in his eyes whenever he has to cross off one of his possible responses on his list. Everyone who has talked more than once gives out a decent response, actually, and Asher even shows off later.
Wes gets called. He argues self-defense. Then, he realizes how awful his response is and decides to go stand with all the other losers. Annalise tells him to sit the fuck down, because he's moved on to the next round.
Nobody beat Annalise's approach, because, you know, she's an actual lawyer and all the students are just learning about law. She says to discredit the witness, introduce a new suspect (jealous business partner), and bury the evidence. That's how you get away with murder, obviously. Except... the mistress (or whoever!) didn't actually murder the guy. That confused me the first time around. Wes is impressed, and now they have to be at the courtroom at nine tomorrow.
Michaela starts to whine about TORTS being that time tomorrow, and Keating remarks that she isn't her mother. She's told to show up or drop out. Michaela struggles with it, but guess what she did?
Annalise is in the middle of questioning a witness on the stand when Michaela walks in. Connor makes some snarky comment which marks the first of many. Michaela tells him to pay attention, because he might actually learn something.
In some superhero-type fashion, Michaela has figured out that the witness is color blind, so therefore, she might not have known what color the pill is, so it could have just been Keating's client's anxiety medication, instead of aspirin. Annalise even throws some shade.
"Like her anxiety medication that she uses to endure working under you.."
Thanks for helping me get away with murder, Annalise Keating. Love you long time.
Michaela continues to explain how she figured out her superhero-type shit, and Keating seems to be proud of her. Then, she adds in that she might as well just give her the trophy now, but she doesn't. Not until she sees what everyone else does.
Remember those missing persons posters? Well, they're still looking for that girl, and apparently our favorite Boy from Ohio's girl next door is connected to her. We see that on the television. Hot Neighbor Girl just lays back in her bed and stares up at her Tiger Sex Mark-free wall.
On the other side of the wall, Wes is trying to figure out some shit. He makes a worthy discovery, and then heads over to Professor Keating's place. I swear I can hear her say something as Wes is walking into the house. Which, by the way, doesn't make much sense. Why wouldn't she have locked her doors? She's a law professor, obviously she has to have some valuables.
Then, probably one of the most hilarious parts of the episode happens. Wes walks in on her and her boyfriend. The part that's the best is my screenshot.
"Ha- WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE"
Of course, Annalise's totally ripped boyfriend tells him to get the hell out, because oral is a private thing. Wes explains why he came in. Annalise calls and tells Frank that he didn't lock up, again. Of course not. So Wes starts to explain what he was thinking would help them win the case, and Annalise turns him the fuck down.
Best of all, she calls Wes Seth.
THEN OUR FAVE APPEARS ON SCREEN.
Some music that isn't IAMX is playing in the bar, and Connor says to this guy that all his coworkers are staring, so he can just say the word and they can start making out. Then, Connor starts interrogating him, asking him if he works at the agency upstairs. Then, my poor heart, this guy says he works in IT. Connor also pretty much calls him hot, which earns him a cute giggle and heart eyes. Basically, Connor might be the first of the law students to get laid here.
IT guy thinks that IT isn't that cool, but Connor disagrees. Then, he tries to get information out of him, asking if he knew anything about the secretary that tried killing her boss with an aspirin. IT guy says that they were warned not to talk about it. So Connor starts to look at another guy. The guy who totally isn't as cool or morally good as the IT guy looks back, and we then realize that Connor is pretty much going to get laid tonight with either of these two guys.
Of course, nerdy IT guy notices, because anyone into computers notices when someone is losing interest in them. Which, by the way, breaks my fucking heart. So, nerdy IT guy says that nobody can know about what he's about to tell Connor about 'the secretary trying to kill her boss with an aspirin' thing. Whatever he's hiding is obviously trophy-worthy, so I can understand. Maybe he isn't getting laid tonight, and is just trying to have a good time..
2 seconds later, we see Connor handing over information to the professor. I wonder how he got that.. Then, we hear a familiar voice saying, "I thought all you wanted from me were those e-mails.." and nerdy IT guy is getting kissed and his clothes are being taken off. Connor assures him that he wanted those e-mails, but he also wants to get laid. Yep, Connor won, he totally got laid first. This is an ABC show, so I'm wondering how the fuck anyone got away with implying rimming on here. Although, on The Fosters, they've gotten away with making handcuff jokes between our two favorite lesbian moms, so..
"Cute guy hits on me at bar for information, then I get laid. Everything is working out in my life."
While all of this is happening, music that isn't by IAMX (still catchy though) plays during the first sex scene of one of the students. See, Annalise didn't even get that!
Of course, Connor can't just say he used his sex appeal and his tongue to get that shit, so he says that it wasn't exactly legal. I irl lol'd. Annalise tells him they'll just have to get creative, then, and uses those e-mails against one of the suspects that aren't her client. Connor totally has the trophy now, right? Also, hopefully he calls back Our Fave because like... nerdy IT guys are where it's at. Next to next-door neighbors.
Paris Geller says that she thought those e-mails were just part of the discovery files, and another lawyer says that those e-mails were obviously obtained illegally. Well, they were also obtained with- Never mind. The judge asks if the new suspect if he wrote those e-mails, and he totally did, so they were allowed to use them.
After that, Annalise gathers her faves up, and says something about Connor's hard work last night. Michaela, slowly losing sight of that trophy, asked how he obtained those e-mails. Connor tells her he doesn't kiss and tell, but he will use the files you give him in a courtroom.
"Got laid, became my professor's fave of faves, and now what?"
They're all invited to a dinner party or some shit with Annalise.
Laurel goes into the bathroom and peaks out of the stall. She sees their client with some other woman, who I think is one of the possible suspects or something.
Wes goes home with his bike in tow and a dorky smile on his face, because he was totally the only one who got the joke of, "I don't kiss and tell." There's some loud noises coming from his hot neighbor's apartment, and Wes is probably suspecting rabbit sex or something. Which is entirely plausible, because some doucheface comes out of her apartment. Wes, being the Helpful Ohioan Neighbor, tries to help the neighbor, but she just slams the door in his face.
Next up, they're at the dinner party.
This guy tells them how it is. He tells them to put their heads down, do the work, and shut up. He's only a psychology professor, so Asher calls him out on it. Interesting turn of events though, because he's Annalise's husband. Not that muscular guy.
Flashforward.
Two people are hooking up. Don't know who, couldn't care. The interesting part is Laurel has that guy with the manly beard calling her. He's shirtless on her phone. Then, we flashback to her talking to Frank, the guy with a manly beard. She starts talking to him, and says something about their current client when she was in the bathroom talking to the guy who someone tried poisoning with an aspirin's wife. Frank says that they're not going to do anything about it, so Laurel starts talking about morals.
Frank starts asking her where she went to school. She went to Brown. Frank says they got a lot of those around here, but they never really make it as real lawyers. He says they usually take a corporate job until they get pregnant and stay home with the baby. Of course, Laurel isn't happy with it, but we can all assume from that picture on her phone in the flashforward that they slept together or something, so it's obvious she didn't murder him for his stupid comment. She calls him a misogynistic ass- because he is- and leaves.
And thus, we begin the most boring ship on this entire show
Paris Geller calls Frank out on his bullshit and tells him to stop screwing the students. Four for you, Paris! You get a star.
Then, we go back to the dinner party. Wes goes in the bathroom and Annalise follows. Wes says he won't say a single word about her boyfriend giving her oral and all that to her husband, because he really didn't mean to see that.
Then, we start to think that Annalise is going to literally screw her client in the bathroom, because apparently her and her husband have been trying to have a baby for awhile now and it puts enough pressure on her that she has to screw another man.
Still a better love story than Laurel and Frank
So, we see that missing girl again, and we understand now that this missing girl is Very Important to the plot. Lila Stangard has been mentioned how many times now? The guy who was in Our Friendly Ohioan Law Student's new crush's apartment was dating her, apparently.
Bonnie/Paris Geller Went to Law School gives an interesting look when she sees this on television.
Of course, people thought that Bonnie has a thing for Annalise's husband because of this next scene. She kisses him on the cheek and watches Annalise with him. Personally, I was hoping that she's a lesbian in love with her boss but decides it's too inappropriate to act on.
Next, Wes is still tracing those marks on his wall. He's probably wondering how the fuck sex could lead to that, but he's a puppy who doesn't know any better. He hears something and goes to his door. His hot neighbor left him some alcohol. She says it's to say sorry.
"Don't take it as a marriage proposal or anything, you fucking freak."
She stole it from the bar she works at, so she didn't want him to think that she's that nice or anything. Wes tells her that he knows what kind of music she listens to, so he doesn't think she's that nice. It's sweet and all. Rebecca- yes, she has a name- even left a note on it, saying welcome to the neighborhood. I would make a Mr. Roger's joke here, but..
Wes offers to have the drink with her, and she turns him down.
So, back to the courtroom. Apparently, Annalise's client might not be innocent after all. The night before the murder attempt, her client was caught buying aspirin on camera. Of course, Annalise rips her a new one back at her office.
She totally ignores Paris Geller's comment on how everyone buys aspirin, and even takes a shot at Frank for forgetting his job while screwing the clients. Annalise wants to murder some people right now.
So Annalise calls someone to the stand named Nate. It's her boyfriend. He's a detective, apparently.
She calls him out on the video, and asks him what he was doing when they got custody of the video. He was doing her, but it's not okay to say that in a courtroom apparently. Also, Nate has a wife. With cancer, to make it even worse.
She asks if they altered the video and if they knew if they have ever altered survilance videos in the past 12 years of working there. Nate says yes.
Of course, Annalise wins, because she's played by Viola Davis. She gives an inspirational speech while being hounded by paparazzi, and Bonnie stares at her lovingly.
Michaela remarks that she wants to be her.
So remember how Connor got those e-mails? Well, they're back in the classroom now, and his sex appeal helped him win the trophy. He gets a spot working at the office, of course, but more importantly, he has the trophy. He should call up the IT guy and thank him.
Michaela gives him that, "I fucking hate you and will destroy you one day, Connor!" look.
Asher gets called next. He gets a spot at the office, and he's excited for it. Michaela is called next, then Laurel...
Then Annalise says that they need a fifth student to work there, because the workload has grown so much. She hires Wes! Fuck yeah, our little Puppy Child From Ohio won something other than corn!
Of course, Wes thinks that it's because he walked into her having sex. Which, not going to lie, I would probably think similar things.
Annalise starts to argue with him, and tells him that he can either work at her office and become someone he actually likes, or end up nowhere, basically. It's all very intense, and personally? Wes, get the fuck out of Ohio. You need it, buddy.
He accuses her of illegal means of getting Nate to confess to altering the tape, but it doesn't really matter because...
IAMX STARTS TO PLAY.
Someone called a repair guy for help at the sorority house because there was a water leak or something (I couldn't pay attention because IAMX) and the guy goes up to the water tank and finds a dead girl in there. Then, we see Rebecca dragging Lila's boyfriend Griffin inside (so he's allowed inside, but Wes isn't? What the hell, Rebecca.) to show him the news report about it.
Annalise's husband is drinking while watching the report. Apparently, Lila was his student. Annalise says the boyfriend did it.
Annalise stares at the camera, and.. flashforward. They're burning the body, and...
It's Annalise's husband.
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