lgbt

Showing posts with label lgbt. Show all posts
Showing posts with label lgbt. Show all posts

6/15/2016

RE: Orlando Tragedy and Death


Death is something I, even after watching Six Feet Under and to a lesser extent, Desperate Housewives, can't really grasp on to. I do not know if an afterlife exists, or if we become nothing. I do believe that there is no true purpose to life, except for the purposes you make.

Recently, with the troubles of the Orlando shooting and Christina being killed, I have thought about death more in-depth.

Death is so final in a world that is always changing.

The Orlando shooting has hit a bit closer to home. I've spent hours finding out the victims' names and their stories. Those stories that were canceled. Those beautiful stories that they were writing and doing so well at were ruined by some fucking idiot with a gun and hate in his heart. I don't know if it's just the thought that most of the victims were young, or if it's the fact we share the same community.

While we can sit down and listen to Justin Timberlake until our ears bleed from What Goes Around... Comes Around, tragedies like this make me realize how much of a bubble we can live in.

While I am sitting over here with the luxury of being able to see the people in the fraternity across the street watching soccer or some shit, it kills me that people that were just trying to enjoy themselves may not have that luxury anymore. People who had kids, people who were just doing their jobs, people who had plans of getting married, and people who were trying to enjoy themselves in an environment that was accepting.

These people may have missed out on the happiest days of their lives.

The Orlando tragedy is eating me up inside. I don't know how I'm supposed to function after this. While I didn't personally know any of these people that were victims in the shooting, I still feel like this is going to be absolutely impossible to shake off. Am I supposed to live in fear of becoming more open about my sexuality? I was already living in fear after being sexually harassed by people who constantly want to know every detail of my sex life, and even worse, want to be apart of it.

While Matthew Shephard wasn't the first victim of a gay hate crime, it was what brought it to our attention that a brilliant boy's future had been ruined by two fucking idiots. Two fucking idiots who didn't value life.

That's what pisses me off about these things. Your life didn't matter enough to you, so you purposefully had to ruin another's? Fuck you.

This is such a difficult post to write, because there is no positive, uplifting message to end it on. There's no good silver lining to any of this. The only positive I can see in the world that some might see is that the shooter is no longer alive to torture others with his awful beliefs.

I wish I was religious sometimes. I wish I had something to turn to in times like these. Instead, I'm here with no uplifting outlook on this. Nothing is going to change. People on Facebook are still going to post their stupid statuses about how they're worried about catching AIDS from some queens handing out LGBT+ pride pamphlets. I'm still going to get the same dumbasses asking how I could prefer women and still not want children. Never mind the fact we live in a world like this, where forty-nine people got killed while they were just trying to enjoy themselves.

There is no prevention for this. The damage has already been done.

I think nightclubs are the perfect example of youth. Nightclubs are a place where typically young people all go to. It doesn't matter who you are; the nightclub didn't care.

So the idea that a terrorist took these lives in a place so well known as the symbol for youth kills me inside.

I am sickened by the idea that certain politicians are using this tragedy to move their campaign forward. I get it, I get it. You really want The White House. However, this isn't fucking Big Brother. There are families who lost their son, their daughter, their aunt, their uncle, their partner, their friend, and so much more. You can't fucking just say, "Hey, I'm sorry for the people affected by this. My heart goes out to them." and leave your two cents on how to stop this for two fucking seconds?

I don't care if you support Trump or Clinton or whatever third party is out there. I really don't right now. I feel so numb and odd about life right now that politics is the last fucking thing on my mind. However, neither of these politicians proved to me that the LGBT+ community actually means anything to them in their stupid campaign. You know, the community that lost members that were contributing to the world. You know, the community that votes for them.

The world is fucking vile, but life is so precious we keep breathing, eating, and drinking to continue on.

Rest in peace to the victims of the Orlando shooting. You were so much more than a driving force in a political campaign. You were people who breathed the same air as us, the people who were studying to become something, and the people who were just trying to have fun. Some fucking idiot who should never have had a gun (I don't care what you think about gun control, but seriously, who the fuck thinks a guy previously on the FBI's watch list should have a fucking gun?) just ruined the lives of too many. He ruined too many families. I'm glad this fucker is dead now. He contributed nothing to this world except for pain and misery. I hope there's something worse than Hell out there, and I hope he's drowning in it.

But God bless the U.S.A, right? No way, no way U.S.A. Only you fuckers could use something like this to try to promote Orange Man and Heelary CLintson. Fuck you. I'm disgusted, and no amount of Six Feet Under will ever bring any closure to this senseless violence and torture. Why? Because these people should have been living. These people should still be here, and not being used in a political battle between two fuckheads who have hoards of useless fuckers behind them breeding left and right because babyeeeeeeees, not even realizing what kind of fucking world they are bringing the baybeeeeeeessss into.

The U.S.A. may be more tolerant of LGBT communities, but it still fucking sucks that someone can just purchase a weapon and take out people who choose to live differently than them. But hey, #LoveIsLove, right?

#DeathIsDeath #MurderIsMurder

Not as fun hashtags, right?


8/11/2015

Teenage Gay Blues


I'm currently brainstorming a title for this post while typing it.

I think one thing that some people don't realize about growing up as a member of the LGBT+ community is how it feels for us as a teenager.

Nothing against my straight friends, of course. You're lovely, accepting people. You've been there for me. I can't hate you for having a boyfriend or a girlfriend. I really can't. I'm not that kind of person that bullies a whole group of people just because of one or two bad eggs.

I remember when I had a boyfriend. I wasn't happy, but for a split second, I felt like I fit in. You know, with the rest of the girls who had boyfriends. Sure, they might not have lasted very long, but there was always finding another boy they felt an emotional connection to. I finally felt like I could gossip with girls about how our boyfriends act. And it made me feel like I was actually one of them.

Of course, I wasn't.

I don't like boys. I've known this longer than I really wanted to admit to myself. I resented myself for a lot of stress I put myself through while I denied it. See, I tried to bargain. I tried to bargain with someone that I don't believe exists anymore that if I just took a step to the right and avoided the left, I would turn out normal.

All I wanted to be was one of the girls with the boyfriend. I resented the kind of life I could have if I was happy. Being with a guy isn't what makes me happy- and it's things like this I've rehearsed saying in my head before saying them to anyone else. I'm not the kind of person who says the first thing that pops into my head, which made this even harder for me. I went over every single word I would say.

Of course, I'm the editor of my own words. I can cut what words I say.

I think as time passes, I've gotten over my middle school years. But every once in awhile when I'm talking to my straight friends, I remember that feeling. And it's not their fault, it really isn't. I'm at peace with myself- something I couldn't honestly say for years- but sometimes, I remember things.

There's also that one problem if you're gay in a small town as a teenager. Every out gay person has dated each other. I mean, I'm not going to ramble anymore, but seriously?

6/22/2015

Lesbian Relationships on TV Problems


I have had so little sleep so bear in mind I'm going to be... well, me. Let's just say, I've watched the sun rise today and it's not because I woke up early enough to.

See, sometimes I get asked on Tumblr why I watch so much television with gay male couples, but not lesbians. Well, other than the fact that there's literally maybe all of three shows with lesbian couples that actually interest me (I hate watching shows about magic/supernatural/anything too out of the norm) and I've watched all three, there's also the fact that I think, for the most part, lesbians are treated much differently than gay or straight couples.

Say what you will about The L Word, but I'm glad that it happened. It showed some diverse relationships. There was a lot of cheating involved in most of the relationships, but it was a lesbian soap opera so I'm not really complaining there. By diverse relationships, I mean that we don't see the common trope that all lesbians only experience attraction to their friends or are only gay for one person. Sure, we got a lot of people who were seemingly only gay for Shane, but aren't we all gay for Shane?

The main thing I hate about a majority of lesbian representation on television is that it doesn't feel like the women are actually attracted to women. By this I mean that a lot of lesbian couples just seem to be gay for each other and not actually attracted to anyone else. Which might go back to a common misconception all together: the misconception that women can't actually find other women sexually attractive.

That's one of the things that hooked me on The L Word from the start. Once you saw their little group of friends sitting at the table, you heard Dana make a comment on how attractive Jenny was. And you learned that this wasn't a one-time "I'm only gay for you" thing for these characters. Sure, you had the spare character here and there who was mostly there to hook up with Shane, but even Tina who didn't have a relationship with a girl before she met Bette (well, unless you've seen the interrogation tapes- I'm still in awe) eventually had more relationships with females.

So, to answer the Tumblr questions on why I don't talk about as many lesbian couples as I do gay couples and what this means for my sexuality.. I guess I prefer that a lot of the gay couples on television actually feel like they're attracted to the gender of the person they're with. I mean, we have Connor and Oliver who can freely talk about The Thornbirds (I'm probably going to watch it later tonight to make myself laugh because a few of you on Tumblr say it's pretty insane) and talk/be with attractive men, but for most lesbian couples on television? It just feels like a friendship with a lot of kissing in between.

The thing that makes me so mad about this trope is that it's literally so easy to get rid of. Why can't you just have your lesbian characters talk about other women? I mean, I promise that us lesbians find people other than our partners attractive. I mean, dear God, did you even listen to lesbians talking about Orange is the New Black Season 3? 

Repeat after me: "Lesbians can be attracted to more women than just one. They can be attracted to unattainable women, straight women, bisexual women, and lesbian women. They can have relationships with women who aren't just their best friend who is a bit curious and they fall in love. They can have all the things that straight people and gay men can have on television. They can be sitting on couches and making out and talking about how hot Margot Robbie is on The Wolf of Wall Street and enjoy that. They can be gay for more than one person. Lesbians are real people who experience attraction in all the other ways all these other couples on television can."

I'm using The L Word because it only feels right.

I just want lesbians who feel sexually confident and are dating people who aren't their best friend that after some dumb kiss they feel like they have to continue it further. I want lesbians who are hooking up with people they just met. I want lesbians who are dating the completely wrong people. I want lesbians who are unapologetically gay and do all sorts of crazy shit and at the day, can come back to their partner who they are extremely attracted to (unapologetically of course) and talk about other women they find attractive.

TL;DR: Most lesbians on television don't feel like actual lesbians. I just want a domesticated lesbian couple who I could actually think are legitimately attracted to one another instead of best friends who kiss every five episodes. And other lesbians. And maybe it's because there's not a lot of lesbians on television to begin with, but a lot of the relationships on cable just feel the same. 

Basically, I want another The L Word where even if people are just gay for someone, they can even seem real then. And then there's also like 20 other characters who are actually, legitimately attracted to the same sex. 






5/08/2015

For my LGBTQ followers...


First and foremost, I would like to type a bit about how the blogger app is a disgusting excuse for an app and how I sincerely wish it would go screw itself. I hate it, I hate it! It deleted the original content for this post twice! Not once, but twice! You sick piece of crap.

One of the hardest types of posts to write is the posts you can relate to. Because it's like, you want the audience to know you relate, but you don't want to reveal too much, you know? So this post is going to be difficult to write.

I think one of the things that hurts the most about being a member of the L part of the LGBTQ acronym is all the constant doubt. Especially from men. Men who think they can turn you into something you're not with just a few (silly) words. It never really stops, does it? It took you years to figure out who you are, and there's people who doubt you because you have long hair and enjoy wearing makeup. Go figure.
I get life can't be The L Word, but...

I think that's harder to deal with than those really religious people at times. I was reading a post about lesbians, and a bunch of angry men declared that all women were bisexual for men's pleasure, but none of them were lesbians, except for the butch ones. I rolled my eyes and realized that this was an actual line of thought in someone's mind.

Listen. If you are a member of the LGBTQ community, you don't deserve to feel ashamed of yourself. I don't care if you're out or not, because, hey, maybe you don't feel it's necessary to come out. That doesn't make your orientation or gender any less real. You can tell whoever you want to tell. That doesn't make you a bad person.

Nothing is wrong with being LGBTQ. It's as normal as being straight or cisgender. I think the people who treat it as a very unusual and bad thing are the problem.

We should be able to walk in a world where the only thing seen as unusual is the people who treat things like this that way. We should be able to walk in a world where we are safe from violence and mistreatment. We should not feel as if we are the things wrong in today.

Most importantly, I hope my generation is the generation we learn to stop being so awful to LGBTQ people. We aren't living in the past, we are making the future. Start acting like it. 

Also, I know that marriage is not the most important things about the LGBTQ community. It really isn't. It's just a small corner in a big part of the spectrum and there's bigger pieces that we should really focus on fixing. Like conversion therapy or the fact that it is actually legal to fire someone for being gay or transgender. But I really hope that for my USA-residents who are adults and LGBTQ readers who are in happy partnerships, you are able to get married really soon if you want to be! It's not legal in my state yet but soon, hopefully.

And to all my LGBTQ folks who are having a rough time, here.

I hope you all are having a nice night, though.