Be Your Own Hero

Be Your Own Hero

   6/15/2015       Unknown

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You know what I hate about most modern young adult stories? The fact that almost all of them end with some girl finding love and that's the be all, end all of it. What about relationship struggles? What about all those problems she had? So, you're telling me, the day you get a boyfriend, all of your family problems, mental illnesses, friend problems, and all the other chaos in your life just magically goes away?

Okay, I will admit that when I was struggling, I thought this too. But I would love to go back and tell myself that it's better to love yourself before anyone else, because you're going to be the person you're stuck with for the rest of your life.

So much of our lives are spent looking for the one when we're too young to really know who is the one, so we miss out on other stuff far more important than significant others. I mean, if you find someone you like and they like you back, date them, but don't think that will 'fix' you. You're not broken, you're just someone who has conflicts and needs to solve them in whatever manner seems fit.

..And I sound old. Oh well, I'm secretly one of those really old grandpas that screams at those meddling kids messing with my garden I take five hours on every single day. I mean, who didn't teach those kids better? It's ridiculous.

Anyways, you'll find someone. You'll find someone to be with, and they'll want to be with you, too. Just don't think that is the reason why you have a mental illness or things are going wrong in your life.

You're wonderful, and don't let not being in a relationship make you think otherwise.

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Feelings 2.0

Feelings 2.0

   5/14/2015       Unknown

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Never mind the fact I'm as sick as a dog, I'm writing a blog post.

So I guess I'm going to start by saying thank you for all the blog views recently. I don't do this for the views, but it's nice to see that people care enough to click on and maybe read for a paragraph or two. You're lovely no matter how much you read!

So your favorite (or not so favorite) straight-edge lesbian is back to talk about her dumb life and her dumb feelings. What's new? I brought HTGAWM screencaps this time, do not fear.

This scene made me so happy yet so "I WANT YOU TO FUCKING KISS" 

Now, see, we've established I suck at feelings. But if you want to know how badly, just imagine this. There's three things in three different small cups. See, this starts off stupid, but gets even stupider. Imagine that one of those things is the rock. The other is a movie. The other is a free pass to tell whoever I feel that I like them and they feel the same way about me.

I'd probably pick the rock or the movie. I stopped collecting rocks when I was twelve. I hate movies like 99.9% of the time. Unless they include Margot Robbie. Then I definitely enjoy them.

I guess it all kind of is because a lot of people do use me to figure themselves out more. I mean, I am not entirely innocent in the situation, because I do do a lot of stupid stuff too. Such as the fact that whenever I develop feelings for someone I get angry. Just because I know I'm never going to do anything about it until it's too late.

So for a long time, I've just had 'whatevers'.

Whatevers- The very real definition of someone you're not in a relationship with, but you're not exactly 'just friends' with. Probably because you both don't want to be in a relationship, but don't want to be lonely.

I don't really think that just because you have a pulse and say one or two nice things to someone means you should be in a relationship. If you are willing to commit to that one person and tell them how you truly feel about them, then, yeah, you should probably be in a relationship with that one person if you both agree. The feelings part is the exact reason I should not be in a relationship.

I like casually flirting with people in ways that they definitely know is flirting, but subtle enough that they don't really get how much I like them, you feel me? At least that's what I'm used to. Let's pray to whoever is playing The Sims up there that nobody I currently like or used to really like is reading this. With my luck, everyone's probably reading this like how your mother reads your text messages when she takes your phone.

Again, if you haven't really done the right thing and expressed how you feel, please do it. I've spent so long just avoiding how I feel that I could have probably found a cure for literally every disease or something. I probably would have already found a cure for whatever I have right now!

I am so used to not being honest with others about how I feel, I think. It's just such a popular option with me that I never really think that things could be very, very different for me if I just said a few simple words. I just sit and listen to 8-bits. I don't even like 8-bits, people!

Sigh, why can't we all just express our feelings like Alice? Alice is perfect, honestly.

I guess my fear kind of stems from the fact that literally everyone I've had feelings for is a good friend. Also, the fact that I just really, really suck with words. And I just suck at things in general. And I don't really want to ruin things for myself. So I just prefer to cry to my good friends who I don't have feelings for (shoutout to Colton, Shayne, and Jordyn- y'all are the real MVPs here #FreeJordyn) and watch gay romances on primetime television.

 

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