Feelings 2.0

Feelings 2.0

   5/14/2015       Unknown

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Never mind the fact I'm as sick as a dog, I'm writing a blog post.

So I guess I'm going to start by saying thank you for all the blog views recently. I don't do this for the views, but it's nice to see that people care enough to click on and maybe read for a paragraph or two. You're lovely no matter how much you read!

So your favorite (or not so favorite) straight-edge lesbian is back to talk about her dumb life and her dumb feelings. What's new? I brought HTGAWM screencaps this time, do not fear.

This scene made me so happy yet so "I WANT YOU TO FUCKING KISS" 

Now, see, we've established I suck at feelings. But if you want to know how badly, just imagine this. There's three things in three different small cups. See, this starts off stupid, but gets even stupider. Imagine that one of those things is the rock. The other is a movie. The other is a free pass to tell whoever I feel that I like them and they feel the same way about me.

I'd probably pick the rock or the movie. I stopped collecting rocks when I was twelve. I hate movies like 99.9% of the time. Unless they include Margot Robbie. Then I definitely enjoy them.

I guess it all kind of is because a lot of people do use me to figure themselves out more. I mean, I am not entirely innocent in the situation, because I do do a lot of stupid stuff too. Such as the fact that whenever I develop feelings for someone I get angry. Just because I know I'm never going to do anything about it until it's too late.

So for a long time, I've just had 'whatevers'.

Whatevers- The very real definition of someone you're not in a relationship with, but you're not exactly 'just friends' with. Probably because you both don't want to be in a relationship, but don't want to be lonely.

I don't really think that just because you have a pulse and say one or two nice things to someone means you should be in a relationship. If you are willing to commit to that one person and tell them how you truly feel about them, then, yeah, you should probably be in a relationship with that one person if you both agree. The feelings part is the exact reason I should not be in a relationship.

I like casually flirting with people in ways that they definitely know is flirting, but subtle enough that they don't really get how much I like them, you feel me? At least that's what I'm used to. Let's pray to whoever is playing The Sims up there that nobody I currently like or used to really like is reading this. With my luck, everyone's probably reading this like how your mother reads your text messages when she takes your phone.

Again, if you haven't really done the right thing and expressed how you feel, please do it. I've spent so long just avoiding how I feel that I could have probably found a cure for literally every disease or something. I probably would have already found a cure for whatever I have right now!

I am so used to not being honest with others about how I feel, I think. It's just such a popular option with me that I never really think that things could be very, very different for me if I just said a few simple words. I just sit and listen to 8-bits. I don't even like 8-bits, people!

Sigh, why can't we all just express our feelings like Alice? Alice is perfect, honestly.

I guess my fear kind of stems from the fact that literally everyone I've had feelings for is a good friend. Also, the fact that I just really, really suck with words. And I just suck at things in general. And I don't really want to ruin things for myself. So I just prefer to cry to my good friends who I don't have feelings for (shoutout to Colton, Shayne, and Jordyn- y'all are the real MVPs here #FreeJordyn) and watch gay romances on primetime television.

 

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Feelings.

Feelings.

   4/02/2015       Unknown

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We all know that word. We all have feelings, ranging from what we feel about our partners, friends, family, and how we felt watching the last ten minutes of the season finale of How To Get Away With Murder. We even try to hide from our feelings. Some of us can succeed doing so.

I think that feelings are one of the very few things on this Earth that are truly ours. Things like where we live and the things we own can be taken from us so easily. But we have our feelings no matter what, even if we want to turn them off sometimes more than we should. 

I never really knew what to do with my feelings in life. I guess I still don't. Do I sleep them off? Do I ignore them until they go away? Do I write a book? Do I write the silliest blog post ever?

It's so hard sometimes. Life is hard sometimes. I think that's something we, as a society, forget too often. It's hard to be true to others and ourselves, and often times, it's only in our worst moments we are truly honest with ourselves.

I just like listening to Brand New by myself at 4 am, okay. I didn't ask for anything but what I demanded, which weren't the normal life things that seem to plague my life nowadays. I'm not just talking about my feelings towards HTGAWM, either.

Although, let's be real here, I have a lot of feelings about HTGAWM.

I guess I've kind of always sucked at feelings. I'm always really rude when it comes to them. I hate feeling them. They make me feel awful 90% of the time, and let's not even get started about talking about them.

I can't do it. I don't like to be anywhere near what I'm feeling, which is sad because I'm always right by my feelings. I feel to decide I don't like my feelings. 

I know that's why I suck at relationships and that's why the last few times I've gotten close to having a relationship I just kind of stopped until whatever we had disappeared. I guess that's fine by me, but it also ruined whatever friendship we had going on. Which is sad, because I usually do like my friends, if I like anyone.

I guess I turn cute feelings I have for others into angry feelings. I should probably work on that. I really should. I think that's why, I, as an individual, really, really, really suck.

It's just hard to break out of a habit you've had for so long, though. It's so hard when your automatic response to something isn't an answer anymore because you dictate it to be inadequate now. I think if I'm going to mess up with anything, it's probably going to be that.

I slept all day today to avoid feelings I've been having for a long time now. Should probably go back to sleep, if I want to be up in the next two hours. And for any of my readers out there, face your feelings. 

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