sad

Showing posts with label sad. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sad. Show all posts

Home » Posts filed under sad

10/18/2015

Iced Coffee on an Autumn Day Where It's Too Cold to Drink It

   10/18/2015      

I started watching The Guild  when I should probably be asleep. But hey! Screw sleep. I got through 2 entire seasons. 

 Recently, it's been hard for me to write personal posts. It's because my life has been like that one game where you roll stuff back and forth rapidly. What is that called? I don't even know what that's called. Does it even have a name or is it just so universally considered so stupid it doesn't even get a name?

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I feel great one day, and then another day, I want to come home and ball my eyes out over a bunch of nonexistent ice cream.

I have stuff sorted out in categories from bad to good in my life right now.

The bad stuff:

  1. I left my environmental science book on Thursday and now I cannot do my assignment.
  2. I am still a nervous wreck about 99.9% things on this Earth.
  3. I have to retake my ACT
  4. I have to study for my ACT. Doing this makes me have a breakdown that ends up with tears. Try to explain this to someone. They don't understand. I stop studying because nobody will fucking listen to me. 
  5. My chest hurts. Where I'm from, unless you're pregnant or someone you're related to is a nurse, good luck going to a doctor. And guess what I constantly think about? Not a good combination.
  6. That one feeling in the back of my mind where I realize I'm never going to be able to live that one (really fun to me) boring life, where all of the careers I want are careers that are financially stable careers that will pay enough money so that I'll have routine medical care I never got in my childhood due to the fact nobody in my life was financially stable. So that need for stability but need for having a job I don't totally fucking hate is a real need. 

The good stuff:

  1. There's a lot of time left before number 6 becomes a legit concern. Kinda. 
  2. I have a C in math analysis!
  3. I found a college that will accept my ACT score that will take my college credits I have. I mean, it's a second choice (or third... or fourth...) but it's still going to accept my credits. So that long weekend I spent drinking iced coffee doing a hundred Excel assignments wasn't totally pointless.
  4. I have stuff to recap every Thursday!
  5. It's cold out!

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5/11/2015

Sad Thoughts

   5/11/2015      

So while I'm a bit happy that a new Twenty One Pilots era is upon us, I'm also a bit upset about other things in life. Like, not having unlimited banana nut bread. Or blueberry bread. Or the fact that I usually get attached to television shows as soon as they've ended or are going on hiatus.

Anyways, on to sadder things. I didn't realize it was a day before Endpoint's birthday. Which means, yeah, it's another birthday I hate. Not that story's birthday, (although I need to rewrite it because ewewewewew I can't) but another birthday. I'll post about that tomorrow.

So, while we have amazing images like this in the world, there's also plenty of people roaming around that don't care about Asher X Bonnie or Bennett X Daya. Which, if you think about it, is the perfect analogy of the world. I'm sure my friends would agree after they sniffed hand sanitizers for a little bit (don't do that) and watched HTGAWM and OITNB at the same time at 5 am (don't do this either) and were all cuddling with each other in some large pudding-and-fish sandwich.
High-five for analogies!

But all Bonnie and Asher aside, sometimes, things in life really, really make me sad. Same with you, right? I mean, we can probably all relate to Brand New songs every once in awhile, right? You know, the loud sad ones for me, of course. 

I get it, we can't be happy all the time. It's not realistic to say, "Hey, wake up happy, dork!" I mean, as much as 40-year old women who only seem to care about those starving kids in Africa the exact second you're down over your girlfriend dumping you for a guy who can juggle more balls and, in return, more lovin'. We all have our days of stalking exes and crying over fictional characters who have the name Mr Piddles. I'd add an image but I'm too sad to think about Tonya killing a cat. I mean, what self-respecting lesbian kills a cat?

I guess what I'm trying to get on to is that despite being an overall happy person for the most part, I have a lot of sad thoughts. I think about some of the most depressing sh-crap ever. I think about people who aren't even in my life anymore when I wake up in the morning, getting ready, and wonder if they would say a mean thing about my makeup, the scars on my face, or my clothes.

I also think about the worst possible scenario happening all the time. You know how on The Sims 2 you would be given a choice card when your Sim went to work sometimes? You know that option you would press, thinking it was the best, but really, your Sim just lost their job? That's how I feel sometimes when I do something risky. And I'm straight-edge and a lesbian who cries over a gay couple on a show about murder, there's not much 'risky' about my life. But sometimes, it really feels like it.

I just worry a lot about the future and also about the past, but I'm never really focused on the present. I remember when I became straight-edge, I wondered if people would find me boring now. But then I came to the realization that I am really, really boring no matter what. I mean, for Christ's sake, I cried over a fictional cat's death. 
Screw you, Tonya!







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4/06/2015

Being the Second Option.

   4/06/2015      

Okay, so before I get into the depressing mess this post will be, I have something to announce. First off, happy belated Easter! Wouldn't have been belated if I wrote this blog post sooner, but I never said I was entirely perfect. Second off, the announcement. I will be writing a blog post every single day in May. Even on my birthday. Psst, my birthday is the 1st of May.

Just send me pictures of screenshots from HTGAWM for my birthday. I promise I don't have them all. My submit is here on Tumblr, I think.
I really like Katie Findlay, too, remember that. 

Anyways, on to the serious stuff. Being the second option. Now, this can be taken as a platonic friendship or an, er, not so platonic relationship. Whatever floats your boat, dear. 

I've been thinking about this topic a lot in the past few days. It's something that's hitting close to home right now, to say the least. I don't like it, but I've always been the second- or third, fourth, fifth- option in life. I've had very few friends that put me above others. 

Here's the thing. We can't make people like us. We can't make people prefer us. We just sit in the back watching all this crap go down, down, in an earlier round (I'm so sorry oh my god) and hope. Hope that things don't work out, that we're victorious. We get jealous. We're human. We do this.

I guess this path makes us hate more than we should. Maybe that speeds up the part when we grow even more distant- that part where we start to hate the first option. Maybe it wouldn't kill us to say hi to the first option. 

In my own personal experience, there's a few stages to this. 
Well, first off, sorry for the lack of thought into color choice there. 
Second off, add a vague fight after you realize you hate the new person somewhere around there. 

Here is the thing. I'm not going to make some speech about how you are the only person you should really be there for in life 100%. I'm not going to make some speech about how you'll be happy in the end. I'm not going to say anything like that.

Why? Because losing people to others sucks. You feel like you did something wrong somewhere along the way. You probably want to play this song and try to relate even though this song has nothing to do about friendship dying as I realize as I copy and paste the link.

You probably feel like you're not good enough. It has nothing to do with you. It has absolutely nothing to do with you. You are good enough and you do not deserve this. 

What I want to say is that, one day, you'll meet someone who will put you first in a majority of things and actually consider you their best friend. I get it might take awhile, but for all my readers who watch YouTube, guess what YouTubers had the same things happen to them for years? Who has an absolute best friend now? 

One day, you'll be alright. 

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at 4/06/2015

2/14/2015

Love Yourself First, Friend

   2/14/2015      

Ever met someone who you cared about a lot who chose others over you and didn't really even care that much about you? They decide things based off who matters most, and you're at the bottom? Crush decides to get back together with their ex-boyfriend in Australia or whatever country of your choosing when you've hinted at stuff for months? Best friend gets new best friend and replaces you? The kind of attractive person you've been getting together with for awhile now decide to get together with someone new?

I think, me and you, friend, we need to have a different approach to life. Maybe we should just sit down and watch our favorite shows (HTGAWM is my fave as of right now- season 2 pls) and just repeat, over and over, "Whatever. Life moves on."

Let's choose ourselves over other people. It's not shallow or arrogant to love yourselves first. It's a rough road to go at times, I know, but it's a good road to take. We should place ourselves better on the scale of people who matter, because at the end of the day, who is the person we're stuck with at our final thoughts of the day? Who has been there for you since day 1?

Not hating yourself is the first step to recovery. Not hating yourself is the first step to any progress. Not hating yourself is the first step towards anything good in your life. I don't think you can be happy if you hate yourself.

So if hating yourself is so bad, why do we hate ourselves more than the people who choose to do bad things to us? Acceptance. Acceptance is all it boils down to. We want to be accepted. Half of our life goals- for most people, anyways- seems to revolve around being accepted by someone.

I feel like it's a dangerous cycle to take. Choosing other people over ourselves. If we learned to love ourselves more- I think that people leaving us and choosing other people or whatever people do because people are flawed- will impact us a lot less.

I started this blog after New Year's, and a lot of stuff has happened in my life, I suppose. I prefer not to talk about it here, but it's some stuff that does impact how I write this blog. I'm all for nice thoughts, but there's a time that you just have to let people go. Sometimes it's just better for us that way, and it's better not to beat yourselves up too much after it. It's just a part of life, I promise you, sad Internet friend.

It's much better to say, "You don't get to do this to me, because I am a human being and I deserve respect and love rather than betrayal and silent hatred," than it is to say, "I'm staying because I don't know what else to do." Life is a complex thing, so maybe this doesn't fall into anything you can do in your situation, but if you're going through anything I mentioned in the first paragraph, maybe you should consider it.

I've had to do this stuff several times now in life. I'm right there again. We'll get through this together, sad Internet friend.

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at 2/14/2015

1/16/2015

Sometimes You Don't Need The Whole, "Be Happy" Talk

   1/16/2015      

Sometimes, we get sad. Sometimes, we know why we're sad. Sometimes, we don't know why. All that matters is that you know you're allowed to be sad.

Whenever you're sad, there's always that one person that says, "Be happy! Try your hardest to be happy! Be happy! Be happy! Be happy!"   While their intentions are good, (I mean, I want you to be happy... I don't think it's a bad thing to want people to be happy) it's not realistic to expect people to be happy every single day. Even people who act like they're in an excellent mood every single day has a sad day every once in awhile.

What you need to be told is, "It's okay to be sad. Just remember you're awesome, don't get too wrapped up in the sad, and just remember that tomorrow could be the best day of your life. You're allowed to wrap up in all the blankets you own and rest. It's not lazy to relax. You can have an off day."

Here's a list of good things you can do when you have a sad day:


  1. Listen to a band like The Script. I prefer to listen to their older albums on these days.
  2. Lay down, turn on Netflix, and watch a good series or movie. (Psst, they just added F.R.I.E.N.D.S. on there!)
  3. Drink tea. 
  4. Eat whatever you like.
  5. Talk to your pets. It helps.
  6. Get out your pajamas and get out your slippers. Wear them.
  7. Take a deep breath. Take two. Take three.
  8. Read a good book.
  9. Go on cat blogs.
  10. Take a nap.
See you Monday, friends! I'll be back when the day is new! I hope you have a nice weekend!


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