Why I Love..

Why I Love..

   5/05/2015       Unknown

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I have a bit of an apology for you if this blog post is a bit jumbled up. I want to watch The L Word and my mind is very, very focused on that. Still having a crummy time in the life of Brianna but I'll still drag myself out of my Depression Corner to write. 

I love a lot of things about life. I couldn't say this awhile ago, but I can say this now. It's not a lie anymore.

I do not love this guy, though, because he never got me ice cream.

Colton, I still want that ice cream.

100 things to love about life:

1. The Internet
2. The sound of cats purring
3. Amazing art
4. New life
5. Success
6. Good food
7. New friendships
8. Good hair days
9. The night sky
10. New music
11. Old music
12. Ice cream (I bet your friends will get you ice cream)
13. Old friends
14. Park walks
15. Light perfume
16. Video games
17. Good books
18. Season 1 of OITNB
19. Season 2 of OITNB
20. Probably Season 3 of OITNB too
21. Getting your friends hooked on TV shows
22. Baths
23. Night time
24. Windy days
25. Concerts
26. Staying up late 
27. When cats do that kneading thing
28. Season 4 of OITNB too most likely
29. Recovery
30. That day after you recover from a cold
31. Naps
32. Inspirational speeches
33. Inspirational people
34. Finding a lost pack of gum and having one piece left
35. Coffee
36. Tea
37. Candy
38. Murals
39. Feeling good about yourself 
40. The day you feel okay
41. When your dog actually listens to you
42. Cats playing with lasers
43. Lotions
44. Cute birthday cards
45. Good TV shows
46. My Mad Fat Diary, especially
47. Instagram photos on your newsfeed that aren't food
48. When that one couple stops making out in front of your locker when you're in high school
49. Tattoos
50. Hilarious Youtube/Vine videos
51. Getting good marks on assignments
52. Great soundtracks
53. Bike rides
54. Summer nights that aren't hot
55. Autumn
56. Snow
57. Flowers that don't die
58. Baby farm animals
59. Seeing someone you love succeed
60. Sales
61. Perfect eyeshadow combos
62. The food Combos in itself though
63. When your friend gets you ice cream
64. When you do so great even your cat wants to tell you
65. Scenery
66. Good plays
67. Funny Tweets
68. That feeling when you exfoliate
69. Cuddling
70. Holding hands
71. New headphones
72. Kissing people you actually like
73. New technology
74. A phone call from someone important
75. Watching fish in a tank
76. Painting
77. Drawing
78. Playing music
79. Showing music to other people
80. Sweaters
81. Good color schemes
82. Conquering your fears
83. Even eyeliner
84. Scars fading
85. Sunsets
86. Sunrises
87. Clouds 
88. When it's sprinkling
89. Watching heavy rain
90. Cute dog pictures from Tumblr
91. Ice cream
92. The moon cycle
93. Growing up
94. Not being scared of certain things anymore
95. Platonic friendships meaning a lot to you
96. Great writers
97. Great artists
98. Feeling good about yourself more and more each day
99. Waking up to breakfast

And finally, our favorite television pairings.

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Love

Love

   2/17/2015       Unknown

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  This post feels incredibly weird to write, but I gotta write it. I gotta!
   So, happy belated 14th of February. Everyone reading this post was my special someone for that day, just so you know. That day gave me inspiration to write a little about love.
  So, what do I know about romantic love? Well, I'm no soccer mom from the city with 3 kids and a husband named Barry. Nor will I ever claim to be. I'm not an expert at anything other than how to play video games for entirely too long.
  Love is not supposed to be perfect. All these girls on Twitter with their relationship goal tags and crap? Does any relationship goal actually have any sort of achievable outcome? I mean, you order flowers for the girl and they end up looking wilted when they get to your door!
  What you make of love is what you do with it. You can spend all sorts of money on your partner, but you can't ever replace precious moments. All we have on Earth is time these days. We may parade around a fancy bracelet or two, but does it really matter when, at the end of the day, that's all that's good about your relationship?
  Listen, despite what I say from time to time, I want love. I want to marry someone and grow old with them and live my life with them. I don't want to throw our marriage away. Sometimes, it scares me because I don't think I'll ever have that because I'm so bad at communication.
  I read a fact on Tumblr that said that poorer people, on average, got less divorces. Well, you may instantly think that poor people = happier if you just read this, but as someone who comes from that sort of background I can tell you differently. Poor people have less money to divorce, so they don't. Wow, for a positivity blog, this gets dark from time to time.
  I think our problem with love is the fact we never really think much about anything past the honeymoon stage. We get bored. We look for 'better' people. We always think love is this glorious thing that must be like how the media portrays it.
We never mention the couples who have been together for years and still find ways to make each other laugh. Because they're not in the honeymoon phase anymore. So we don't consider that the kind of love we want. Which might be the biggest tragedy of them all.
  It's a tragedy to think that someone doesn't love us just because we we're taught that love is this passionate thing 24/7. Like them spending time with us isn't proof enough they care. Like them making us laugh isn't proof enough they care.
 

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Tired Blog Post

Tired Blog Post

   2/16/2015       Unknown

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Hi friend!
Just wanted to tell you that you are a valid human being on this planet and you have a purpose.
Anyways, after walking my dog to the park like three times today, I'm pretty exhausted. But, blogging! I gotta do it, even when watching YouTube videos or crying over HTGAWM.

This scene all broke us. You are lying if you didn't feel some sort of emotion about this.

I want to talk about how you, friend, need to become comfortable in your own skin. You are not a number, you are not your partner, but you are the things you feel. We only have feelings and our body, so why not use them in a good way? 

You are a bunch of feelings inside a beautiful body who keeps your feelings alive. You express yourself through a bunch of blog posts and hide some of your feelings because some of them are too fragile to let out of our mouths and our fingers. You feel as if you're not good enough to be considered a gorgeous person, because a few of your feelings feel as if you're not good enough. Don't listen to those ones, dear. 

I can't be your thoughts. The only thing I can do is type, "You are worth more than who wants to sleep with you, or who says you're attractive. You are your feelings and your memories. Nobody can take that away from you. They can do whatever to you, but you always have that until the end."

I can also tell you that I love you, but that doesn't mean that much. I get it, you have your battles that made you feel so badly about yourself. You are certain those experiences define you to this very point in your life. You might even be fighting those battles.

I understand that it's a new struggle to take back and reclaim yourself from the awful stuff you've been through. Feeling used up and waiting for someone else to tell us we did good on this planet today is a feeling of acceptance, but sometimes we need it. Why? Because acceptance from ourselves is hard.

It's rough being torn down for years and years by little things to only come to the revolution you should have treated yourself better. Hey, it's like most guys and their ex-girlfriends! 

I have had anxiety attacks at the most silliest of places, and I have spent days crying in bed before, not feeling like I could amount to anything. I got obsessed with HTGAWM and The Sims and I really don't know if I can like anything as much as I like those things. I also ruin every possible relationship I can because I'm never honest enough about my feelings and I lose too many people. So I go back to crying over silly things. I think I did it again, actually. Hi. 

And I don't know if I accept it, yet, but at least I can be honest about it. 

Your body is fine. Whatever you're going through or stressing out about right now, eventually it's going to be fine. You have valid reasons to be stressed out by those things. And someone cares. 

Someone really cares. Let that person be you, one day. Please.

Like Connor cares about who Oliver is dating. Okay, maybe not that kind of caring. Maybe. 

This is my mobile header on Tumblr. I'm a little obsessed. 

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Love Yourself First, Friend

Love Yourself First, Friend

   2/14/2015       Unknown

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Ever met someone who you cared about a lot who chose others over you and didn't really even care that much about you? They decide things based off who matters most, and you're at the bottom? Crush decides to get back together with their ex-boyfriend in Australia or whatever country of your choosing when you've hinted at stuff for months? Best friend gets new best friend and replaces you? The kind of attractive person you've been getting together with for awhile now decide to get together with someone new?

I think, me and you, friend, we need to have a different approach to life. Maybe we should just sit down and watch our favorite shows (HTGAWM is my fave as of right now- season 2 pls) and just repeat, over and over, "Whatever. Life moves on."

Let's choose ourselves over other people. It's not shallow or arrogant to love yourselves first. It's a rough road to go at times, I know, but it's a good road to take. We should place ourselves better on the scale of people who matter, because at the end of the day, who is the person we're stuck with at our final thoughts of the day? Who has been there for you since day 1?

Not hating yourself is the first step to recovery. Not hating yourself is the first step to any progress. Not hating yourself is the first step towards anything good in your life. I don't think you can be happy if you hate yourself.

So if hating yourself is so bad, why do we hate ourselves more than the people who choose to do bad things to us? Acceptance. Acceptance is all it boils down to. We want to be accepted. Half of our life goals- for most people, anyways- seems to revolve around being accepted by someone.

I feel like it's a dangerous cycle to take. Choosing other people over ourselves. If we learned to love ourselves more- I think that people leaving us and choosing other people or whatever people do because people are flawed- will impact us a lot less.

I started this blog after New Year's, and a lot of stuff has happened in my life, I suppose. I prefer not to talk about it here, but it's some stuff that does impact how I write this blog. I'm all for nice thoughts, but there's a time that you just have to let people go. Sometimes it's just better for us that way, and it's better not to beat yourselves up too much after it. It's just a part of life, I promise you, sad Internet friend.

It's much better to say, "You don't get to do this to me, because I am a human being and I deserve respect and love rather than betrayal and silent hatred," than it is to say, "I'm staying because I don't know what else to do." Life is a complex thing, so maybe this doesn't fall into anything you can do in your situation, but if you're going through anything I mentioned in the first paragraph, maybe you should consider it.

I've had to do this stuff several times now in life. I'm right there again. We'll get through this together, sad Internet friend.

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Your Natural Hair is Beautiful!

Your Natural Hair is Beautiful!

   1/26/2015       Unknown

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I hope someone else has told you that as of lately, friend! If not, some people really need to step up their game.

Yikes, sorry for not posting in awhile. I've been having a rough time as of lately, but I'll be fully back next month, I'm pretty sure. Just want to let you know that all your support on this blog makes everything in my life so much better. I swear.

Anyways, about two weeks ago- I think- I saw this video from Dove:

While there has been some criticism on this video for the little girls in this video not having curly enough hair, this video has a wonderful, wonderful, wonderful message.

I remember when I first walked into middle school, I walked in and noticed all the girls had hair a lot different to mine. They had neat, straight hair and clean faces. I, however, had wavy, messy hair and broke out a lot. 

The first time I straightened my hair was at my cousin's house. I loved it, honestly. I wanted to keep my hair like that forever, because everyone at school would love it! It made my hair look so much longer! 

I went home, asked my mom if she could do my hair like that every single day, and she pulled out a curlier. She didn't want to purchase a straightener. She did my hair, but it wasn't the same. I cried when I looked in the mirror. I knew my hair wasn't good enough.

I guess why I decided why this topic was appropriate for me to write about today was because there's this girl I know who is trying to get me to straighten my hair every single day. She's trying hard to chip away at my confidence as of lately. She's the kind of girl who has limited interests outside of boy drama and always has straight hair. A few years ago, she would have destroyed me. But today? Heck no.

I can tell you how people would say that I needed to fix my hair or sit down with me and say I'd look gorgeous with my hair straighten, but I feel like my readers would figure that happened a lot without me telling them.

After I started straightening my hair for awhile, I had my days I'd just leave my hair naturally because I was too lazy to do it. There would be random compliments here and there, and I just smiled painfully because my natural hair wasn't good enough a few years ago, was it? So why was it good enough now?

I remember a therapist telling me that me not doing my hair was a sign of me having depression. I also remember a boy telling me too many times that my hair was a mess and I needed to straighten it like the other girls. I also remember my own mother telling me that my hair when it wasn't brushed made me look "homely". 

I started to realize that a huge part of straightening my hair was just looking for approval from others. Because deep down, a lot of our actions when you're young is searching for the approval of others. It's disgusting, vile, and I hope everyone gets past that.

So I would have probably burst into tears if I saw that Dove video a few years ago. Actually, scratch probably. I still cried when I saw it nearly 2 weeks ago. It said all the right words nobody told me before I started burning my hair or putting relaxers in it.  

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