February 2015

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2/28/2015

It Gets Better (Or, You Learn How To Deal With It)

   2/28/2015      

I have seen those 3 words just as much as I've seen 'I love you'. And I feel like this post is a mix of those 6 words together. 

I guess I have my ups and downs, and even those days where it feels like I'm on the most boring rollercoaster ever. I've had my moments where I felt like everything was going wrong and then I have a day once a week now where everything just seems to be going right.

But also half of my life is now dedicated to the show these two are on.
Seriously, what the hell, Shonda and Pete, how could you do the thing you did in the last 10 minutes of the season finale to these two.
[image credit]


I guess what I'm trying to say is that life does get better, yeah, but it's also how you take things. Sure, you'll get out of that Really Bad Place, you will. I promise. But also, when things like that Very Bad Thing happen again, you'll be more prepared to take care of it. That's the thing about growing older. You know how to deal with things differently. 

But life gets better when you also learn that you are a unique individual with the ability to do whatever you want and be whoever you want. Life is so strange (and no, my name is not Max nor do I have a best friend with blue hair and no, Rachel is not missing) and I think we don't really ever point that out enough. I mean, in your life, you can love so many different people and literally create new life and now in the modern times, you can declare you're lesbian for Katie Findlay with a few presses of some keys on a keyboard and a press of a button. How do we even function knowing this?
Life gets better because life is strange and wonderful and as you age, you start to care less what others think about you. Life gets better because you realize what you need and what you don't. 

I remember when I was a bit younger and I was getting bullied quite a bit. I just tried passing time because I felt like I couldn't stand up to them. But let me just say, half of the bullies of the world are either housecats or very, very ignorant. Meaning, I literally had to tell a girl to shut up once when she was threatening me and she did absolutely nothing. Absolutely nothing. This was done in a 'I'm so tired I could tell this girl so many other things, but this will suffice.' I cried over what this girl kept saying to me, but eventually she moved on and life decided to slap her in the face. 

And I hope, friend, one day, you'll wake up without hating yourself for who you are. I hope you feel at ease with yourself and realize that you're not so bad after all. I love you and you are a valid human being with valid problems and valid feelings. I may not be the best person, but you make me want to bring out the best in me. I hope you become the best you can be.

  

at 2/28/2015

2/22/2015

Happy Sunday!

   2/22/2015      

Happy Sunday to you, friend! I hope you're having a great day, and even if you aren't, then there's days ahead for you that will be better. Until then, stay safe and don't forget that you are valid.

Anyways, while I'm working procrastinating on this Excel chapter, I'm going to write this blog post in between.

I guess what I want to say in this blog post is that your interests are awesome and you are awesome! Unless you're interested in murdering people or violating people or purposefully making people very angry. Which- and I'm glad to say this- very little of you reading this blog post are.

I see way too many people judging each other. You like a 90's boyband? Hey, me too! You like some poorly-rated show? You go! You like a poorly-rated album? You go! Why isn't this more accepted in the world that we all like different things?

It's so silly to think that we spend more time judging others' interests than either 1.) doing our own interests or 2.) expanding on our own interests. We shouldn't control or judge others in the same way we wouldn't want ourselves.

I like writing blogs. I love it, actually. That's why I started my first blog about 3 years ago. It made me happy and I loved posting my opinions and things I liked. I loved seeing my readership/followship grow and it made me so happy to get home every single day and have something to look forward to doing. I remember when I got my first 500 followers, me and a friend planned a party.

This may sound silly, but it really was a part of me at that point. It was so thrilling. Yeah, I'm nowhere near the top of the blogger chain, and hey, I may never get there. I don't really care though, because I enjoy this. I had this for the days that everything else seemed to have failed, and for those days that everything seemed to go right. And as the quiet, introverted person I am, I always feel like my words get overlooked. Putting the words online makes me feel like I finally have something to say that won't get overlooked anymore. And that makes me happy.

This blog isn't as popular as my other blog. My old blog hit a good readership in half of the time I've had this one. But I like this one better. This one is more, er, raw.

So when I was talking to (admittedly, one of the few) relatives that know I run blogs in my freetime, he made a comment about how he could never do what I do and that I should stop writing my blog. I couldn't tell you how that felt. I spent 3 years of my life documenting how I felt in the moment, and someone who means a lot to me said to quit?

I guess that suggestion felt like closing a part of me, because I love this so much. This same relative is the one who judges literally everything and seems to think he has a career as a critic despite being a future STEM major. Boy, nobody cares.

Yet, one time this girl points out that maybe band camp is just as hard as football camp and he's up here defending it like a closeted celebrity is defending her/his secret lover (make that whatever closeted celebrity of your choice) and he calls her all sorts of names I wouldn't say here. It's like, dude, can you stop?

I guess what I'm trying to say here is that if you wouldn't want people making fun of your own interests, don't make fun of their own.

Anyways, I love you. Have fun with you and your interests, you fine person.

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at 2/22/2015

2/17/2015

Love

   2/17/2015      

  This post feels incredibly weird to write, but I gotta write it. I gotta!
   So, happy belated 14th of February. Everyone reading this post was my special someone for that day, just so you know. That day gave me inspiration to write a little about love.
  So, what do I know about romantic love? Well, I'm no soccer mom from the city with 3 kids and a husband named Barry. Nor will I ever claim to be. I'm not an expert at anything other than how to play video games for entirely too long.
  Love is not supposed to be perfect. All these girls on Twitter with their relationship goal tags and crap? Does any relationship goal actually have any sort of achievable outcome? I mean, you order flowers for the girl and they end up looking wilted when they get to your door!
  What you make of love is what you do with it. You can spend all sorts of money on your partner, but you can't ever replace precious moments. All we have on Earth is time these days. We may parade around a fancy bracelet or two, but does it really matter when, at the end of the day, that's all that's good about your relationship?
  Listen, despite what I say from time to time, I want love. I want to marry someone and grow old with them and live my life with them. I don't want to throw our marriage away. Sometimes, it scares me because I don't think I'll ever have that because I'm so bad at communication.
  I read a fact on Tumblr that said that poorer people, on average, got less divorces. Well, you may instantly think that poor people = happier if you just read this, but as someone who comes from that sort of background I can tell you differently. Poor people have less money to divorce, so they don't. Wow, for a positivity blog, this gets dark from time to time.
  I think our problem with love is the fact we never really think much about anything past the honeymoon stage. We get bored. We look for 'better' people. We always think love is this glorious thing that must be like how the media portrays it.
We never mention the couples who have been together for years and still find ways to make each other laugh. Because they're not in the honeymoon phase anymore. So we don't consider that the kind of love we want. Which might be the biggest tragedy of them all.
  It's a tragedy to think that someone doesn't love us just because we we're taught that love is this passionate thing 24/7. Like them spending time with us isn't proof enough they care. Like them making us laugh isn't proof enough they care.
 

  

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2/16/2015

Tired Blog Post

   2/16/2015      

Hi friend!
Just wanted to tell you that you are a valid human being on this planet and you have a purpose.
Anyways, after walking my dog to the park like three times today, I'm pretty exhausted. But, blogging! I gotta do it, even when watching YouTube videos or crying over HTGAWM.
This scene all broke us. You are lying if you didn't feel some sort of emotion about this.


I want to talk about how you, friend, need to become comfortable in your own skin. You are not a number, you are not your partner, but you are the things you feel. We only have feelings and our body, so why not use them in a good way? 

You are a bunch of feelings inside a beautiful body who keeps your feelings alive. You express yourself through a bunch of blog posts and hide some of your feelings because some of them are too fragile to let out of our mouths and our fingers. You feel as if you're not good enough to be considered a gorgeous person, because a few of your feelings feel as if you're not good enough. Don't listen to those ones, dear. 

I can't be your thoughts. The only thing I can do is type, "You are worth more than who wants to sleep with you, or who says you're attractive. You are your feelings and your memories. Nobody can take that away from you. They can do whatever to you, but you always have that until the end."
I can also tell you that I love you, but that doesn't mean that much. I get it, you have your battles that made you feel so badly about yourself. You are certain those experiences define you to this very point in your life. You might even be fighting those battles.

I understand that it's a new struggle to take back and reclaim yourself from the awful stuff you've been through. Feeling used up and waiting for someone else to tell us we did good on this planet today is a feeling of acceptance, but sometimes we need it. Why? Because acceptance from ourselves is hard.

It's rough being torn down for years and years by little things to only come to the revolution you should have treated yourself better. Hey, it's like most guys and their ex-girlfriends! 

I have had anxiety attacks at the most silliest of places, and I have spent days crying in bed before, not feeling like I could amount to anything. I got obsessed with HTGAWM and The Sims and I really don't know if I can like anything as much as I like those things. I also ruin every possible relationship I can because I'm never honest enough about my feelings and I lose too many people. So I go back to crying over silly things. I think I did it again, actually. Hi. 

And I don't know if I accept it, yet, but at least I can be honest about it. 

Your body is fine. Whatever you're going through or stressing out about right now, eventually it's going to be fine. You have valid reasons to be stressed out by those things. And someone cares. 

Someone really cares. Let that person be you, one day. Please.

Like Connor cares about who Oliver is dating. Okay, maybe not that kind of caring. Maybe. 
This is my mobile header on Tumblr. I'm a little obsessed. 


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at 2/16/2015

2/14/2015

Love Yourself First, Friend

   2/14/2015      

Ever met someone who you cared about a lot who chose others over you and didn't really even care that much about you? They decide things based off who matters most, and you're at the bottom? Crush decides to get back together with their ex-boyfriend in Australia or whatever country of your choosing when you've hinted at stuff for months? Best friend gets new best friend and replaces you? The kind of attractive person you've been getting together with for awhile now decide to get together with someone new?

I think, me and you, friend, we need to have a different approach to life. Maybe we should just sit down and watch our favorite shows (HTGAWM is my fave as of right now- season 2 pls) and just repeat, over and over, "Whatever. Life moves on."

Let's choose ourselves over other people. It's not shallow or arrogant to love yourselves first. It's a rough road to go at times, I know, but it's a good road to take. We should place ourselves better on the scale of people who matter, because at the end of the day, who is the person we're stuck with at our final thoughts of the day? Who has been there for you since day 1?

Not hating yourself is the first step to recovery. Not hating yourself is the first step to any progress. Not hating yourself is the first step towards anything good in your life. I don't think you can be happy if you hate yourself.

So if hating yourself is so bad, why do we hate ourselves more than the people who choose to do bad things to us? Acceptance. Acceptance is all it boils down to. We want to be accepted. Half of our life goals- for most people, anyways- seems to revolve around being accepted by someone.

I feel like it's a dangerous cycle to take. Choosing other people over ourselves. If we learned to love ourselves more- I think that people leaving us and choosing other people or whatever people do because people are flawed- will impact us a lot less.

I started this blog after New Year's, and a lot of stuff has happened in my life, I suppose. I prefer not to talk about it here, but it's some stuff that does impact how I write this blog. I'm all for nice thoughts, but there's a time that you just have to let people go. Sometimes it's just better for us that way, and it's better not to beat yourselves up too much after it. It's just a part of life, I promise you, sad Internet friend.

It's much better to say, "You don't get to do this to me, because I am a human being and I deserve respect and love rather than betrayal and silent hatred," than it is to say, "I'm staying because I don't know what else to do." Life is a complex thing, so maybe this doesn't fall into anything you can do in your situation, but if you're going through anything I mentioned in the first paragraph, maybe you should consider it.

I've had to do this stuff several times now in life. I'm right there again. We'll get through this together, sad Internet friend.

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at 2/14/2015

2/03/2015

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