August 2015

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8/30/2015

Shameless US vs UK

   8/30/2015      

I haven't posted in a few days- or something like that- but I wanna just say I'm still alive. Some people might hate that the girl with the purple hair and the obsession with How To Get Away With Murder is still kicking, but whatever. Live your way.

Really, I should be reading the first chapter on my theatre book, but I don't want to neglect this blog. It's my little baby that I'm going to grow into a nice, beautiful, angry teenager. Like the kids in Until Dawn or something. Or Victoria Chase.

Anyways, I've been watching Shameless UK because I wanted to see the differences. I'm not even halfway through it or anything (I skipped a lot of the first season because Shameless US and UK are pretty much the exact same) but I think that both are pretty great in their own ways.

There's characters I like a lot more in the UK version, such as Kash and Debbie. I hated both of them in the US version. I think the exact moment I knew I would like Kash in the UK version is when he was talking to Ian and said that it took every ounce of his will to sleep next to a woman every night when he doesn't like the feel of her skin. I felt a similar way when I used to kiss boys I didn't really like.

I like Mickey in the US version a lot more. He's a lovable prick and I love him so much, okay? I needed a character like Mickey in my life, honestly. I also like Fiona in the US version a lot better,
but her and Jimmy/Steve/Jack/Sonny/Johnny weren't as cute in the US version.

I think that the US version has better looking actors/actresses in it, so that could be a big reason people who are used to the US version and try watching the UK version stop watching it. Yes, we Americans really are that shallow sometimes.

Although, I'll admit I've watched Misfits and would be pissed if they made a US version. They'd cast Rudy as someone who looks picture perfect and I'd be so upset. Also, is it bad I was weirdly attracted to Kelly? I also thought Jess was GORGEOUS, but I bet that's not an unpopular attraction. WAIT. I was attracted to Kelly because of the accent. Also I have a thing for people who attack Hitler because my creepy stalker loves Hitler and Nazism because he's a fucking idiot.

 Anyways. I think I like how Shameless UK focuses more on other characters other than the Gallaghers. It's revolved around the Estate rather than whatever guy we don't care about that Fiona is screwing this week (yes, shade) and I think I like that more. There's only so much drama you can add in the lives of Frank, Fiona, Lip, Ian, Debbie, Carl, and Liam (lol when is the last time Liam got a plotline) without getting bored with the recycled plotlines.

Also, Monica's sexuality seems to get a bit more attention in the UK version in my opinion.

Speaking of Monica, there's the most important topic. The selling point of the US version is who plays Frank.

I think a lot of people gloss over the fact that Frank is literally one of the most important characters in each series. Yeah, he's an ass. He's an alcoholic ass. However, having William H. Macy portray Frank is one of the best choices ever. Honestly, it was hating Frank that drove me to love the US series in the first place. Watching Fiona tell him off and him giving these hilarious speeches was one of the biggest appeals of the series for me.

So, this one goes out to the US version. William H. Macy, you play a mean douchebag!

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8/16/2015

Dealing with Ridiculous People in High School

   8/16/2015      

It's that time of year.

You know, when we buy new clothes and we get that one shirt we really, really fucking hate. We also get school supplies that would look better sitting in a cute container but noooooo it's for school! 

See, the thing about high school is that it's better than middle school, but it sucks more than most other things. So therefore, you totally need advice on it. 

I'm not incredibly popular in school or anything. I've never been to a high school party in my life, nor do I really care enough to want to go. I just did good on my school work and now I'm taking college classes from the local community college. I spruce up my blogs and write blog posts in my spare time while watching Shameless and HTGAWM. Maybe you're living a life totally different to me in high school and having the time of your life partying with the other popular kids and everyone loves you. Good for you, honestly! 

However, if you are living in a similar perspective, you probably have some really ridiculous person being... well, ridiculous.

Now, I know that popular girls aren't evil or bitches, and some of the jocks aren't jerks and in fact just really love playing football. Those people haven't caused me much trouble in high school. The ones who have caused me the most trouble? Uh, this is going to come across as really rude but the two people who gave me the most trouble were two really trashy girls that weren't very popular. 

The first trashy girl would always call me ugly and make fun of my hair. She would always talk about me right there and make fun of the striped shirts I always wore freshman year. Her and her friend Trashy Girl #2 would sit across from me and just point out my hair, clothes, and even what color nails I had on. When she wasn't with Trashy Girl #2, she would stare at me from afar. I think she started a (totally true) rumor that I was lesbian to try to make me feel like shit about myself.

The second trashy girl would just keep going along with Trashy Girl #1. She was a little bit more in my face about it. She did it because, "I was mean to my ex boyfriend", but I just think she wanted more drama in her life. She made up a rumor that I tried to sleep with her imaginary brother and she constantly asked me if I had a boyfriend, then snicker when I said no.

My freshman year I kind of stayed away from my close friends and started to make a few new friendships with people I already knew. The reason I stayed away from my old friend group is because I needed a break from all the drama and general high school cattiness. I still talked to my close friends, just not near either of these two girls. 

This was my lunch table in freshman year: 
I'm the one with the yellow and brown hair. The girl with the purple hair would always read books. Contrary to what you see in the photo, she had two arms. The girl with the JB shirt was not wearing it to signify her love of Joseph Birdsong. She just really fucking loved Justin Bieber, okay? The girl with the short black hair... I barely remember much about her. It's been a few years. She had a boyfriend and freckles on her face. I think she's went on to become a nurse?

We sat near the cafeteria because that was the empty table at the beginning of the year. Of course, that was across from the two ridiculous girls and their group of friends. One day, after getting really pissed off at me for breathing or something, they started throwing food at me. Since they suck at throwing anything, (especially shade- I could beat them at that blindfolded but I've grown up!) they hit poor Black Haired girl in the back of the head. She said, "What the fuck?" and turned around and threw the food back at them.

The two trashy girls started screaming about how we shouldn't throw fucking food and acted like we did it. It's been three years now, and I still know they threw the fucking food, but whatever. I'm sure when they're living life like they're in Orange is the New Black, it's going to be a different ending.

I think the thing that made them so ridiculous is that everything pissed them off. They would get angry at teachers for trying to help them. They would get mad at me for hating my ex boyfriend, but they hated him about as much as I did. They would also get pissed at people for not dressing the way they wanted them to. They would try to fight people who so much looked at them wrong. They would also threaten to kill me after school, but I'm still breathing. 

I know that there's lots of people who live like that, but God, don't you ever get tired of living that way? 

If you really want to know how the story ended that year, I went to the counselor and talked to her twice that year. The first time was because I ended up telling them to shut up when they were indirectly talking about me and the clothes I wear. A sweet teacher at my school was supervising my class that period, so he ended up talking to me after I had his class about how I should stay out of drama. Sweet teacher, I know you were trying to help, but lil' old freshman year Me could deal with it. Even if it was dealt by publishing a bunch of passive aggressive Tumblr posts back then. After I went to the counselor after talking to my mom, the counselor moved me into the library first period.

The second time, they sat across from me in science one day and kept saying how ugly I am. I immediately went up to the office and asked for the counselor again, demanding I get moved to a different class so I didn't have to see them or hear them. Apparently I used my Get Out of Bullshit Free cards, because the special ed teacher that had to help with the students with learning disabilities in my class found out and started talking to me about it. 

I really hadn't talked to that teacher much, but I know she gave me detention one time. 

Said teacher asked me to repeat everything they said to me, and she told me some of her really mean high school classmates. Apparently there was some girl she played sports with who would prank call her and say nasty things to her that came to her looking for help. Teacher basically told her to screw off and watched her fail. The teacher told me I was a smart, beautiful girl and they were just ridiculous, dramatic girls who were just looking for a rise out of me. 

I got moved to the nice science class where we learned about seeds and reproduction with the popular jock boys who would make jokes about farm animals having sex. I got a nice new teacher who would teach my veterinary science class junior year. My previous teacher would ask me if things were going better sophomore year, and the nice special ed teacher (who everyone thought was awful but she's honestly one of the sweetest teachers I've ever known) would ask me in the hallways how everything was going. 

It meant a lot to me that teachers cared, even if at the time I thought they were just teachers. Word of advice for freshman: teachers are some of the coolest people ever. They just want you to learn, really.

I guess there's kind of the final conclusion to this story. Yeah, the two really trashy girls would constantly laugh at me and still call me ugly. One time, I was listening to Fall Out Boy in the morning and the second trashy girl went off on me. I really don't know what she said (nor do I care, because hey, I was listening to Infinity on High, which is the official best Fall Out Boy album imo) but she acted like I would really care what she had to say. 

Eventually, the world became a bigger place than what people thought of me. I had advanced art, Excel, and of course, an entire blog to run. I have college- and an entire future- to think about. 

Those girls, though? They grew up, in a way. Trashy Girl #1 is going to drop out of high school because Trashy Girl #2 had a baby with a forty year old. 

I guess the moral of the story is that if it gets really bad, go talk to someone. Bitches be crazy and all, but you're one of a kind. Just make sure that none of the ridiculous stuff people do interfere with your mental health. I mean, I laugh at most of the memories of stuff that they did, but back then, it really affected me personally. When you get older, your perspective of the world grows with you and things people said about you in the beginning of high school mean less and less. 

I mean, yeah, this stuff was horrible to go through, but eventually I got through it a much stronger, better person. It made me the person I am today. 

I hope you can a nice, ridiculous-free year in high school this year, reader!

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8/11/2015

Teenage Gay Blues

   8/11/2015      

I'm currently brainstorming a title for this post while typing it.

I think one thing that some people don't realize about growing up as a member of the LGBT+ community is how it feels for us as a teenager.

Nothing against my straight friends, of course. You're lovely, accepting people. You've been there for me. I can't hate you for having a boyfriend or a girlfriend. I really can't. I'm not that kind of person that bullies a whole group of people just because of one or two bad eggs.

I remember when I had a boyfriend. I wasn't happy, but for a split second, I felt like I fit in. You know, with the rest of the girls who had boyfriends. Sure, they might not have lasted very long, but there was always finding another boy they felt an emotional connection to. I finally felt like I could gossip with girls about how our boyfriends act. And it made me feel like I was actually one of them.

Of course, I wasn't.

I don't like boys. I've known this longer than I really wanted to admit to myself. I resented myself for a lot of stress I put myself through while I denied it. See, I tried to bargain. I tried to bargain with someone that I don't believe exists anymore that if I just took a step to the right and avoided the left, I would turn out normal.

All I wanted to be was one of the girls with the boyfriend. I resented the kind of life I could have if I was happy. Being with a guy isn't what makes me happy- and it's things like this I've rehearsed saying in my head before saying them to anyone else. I'm not the kind of person who says the first thing that pops into my head, which made this even harder for me. I went over every single word I would say.

Of course, I'm the editor of my own words. I can cut what words I say.

I think as time passes, I've gotten over my middle school years. But every once in awhile when I'm talking to my straight friends, I remember that feeling. And it's not their fault, it really isn't. I'm at peace with myself- something I couldn't honestly say for years- but sometimes, I remember things.

There's also that one problem if you're gay in a small town as a teenager. Every out gay person has dated each other. I mean, I'm not going to ramble anymore, but seriously?

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8/06/2015

Hiding

   8/06/2015      

Sorry for the lack of blog posts lately. I haven't been a good blog owner, have I?

I think I'm traumatized about the whole Life is Strange episode. Guys, I was never expecting that. I just wanted a pretentious game about a time-traveling hipster who has her punk best friend as a loving (yet troublesome) sidekick. I really didn't see any of that coming.

I know it's about time for people to go back to school.

See, I'm going to give a little bit of insight in my life. I live in a small town with very little relevance in the world. Like, if my town was wiped off the planet this instant, nobody would even care.

In my small town, there's people who talk and talk and talk. Everyone knows everything about everyone. And since I mentioned Life is Strange, I'm thinking about the conversation Max and Chloe had at the end of Episode 1. But I can assure you that nobody has time travel powers and our town isn't going to be wiped out by a tornado on Friday. Trust me, we'd know.

I try to not bring up too much on this blog that would get me in severe trouble, but let me just say that everyone knows everyone's secrets. I could write a whole 'nother blog post about what I know about people, but people from town read my blog. I mean, I think.

See, I know that it's just human nature for people to talk. You can't stop people from it. However, there's something that feels like you're suffocating when everyone knows that you're dating Ken. I mean, I'm not dating Ken. You're dating Ken.
Obviously.

I've always been quiet. In fact, it's just been in the past few years where I really started to find my 'voice'. I think this was really easy for me when I had a friend/ex-boyfriend who I could hide behind and he'd answer anything for me.

Eventually, he became a huge not-nice word I would use any other time but this blog post is not the place for this. He would start to harass me and I let it happen for awhile. He convinced me I was stupid. Spoiler: I'm not. I may not have the best grammar, but I can format an Excel sheet to Hell and back and make it pretty.

One day, after a really awful New Year's Party, I realized that being behind people isn't where I fit best. I may be shy, but I can speak for myself. I am my own person, not a part of him. I like punk music and playing Roller Coaster Tycoon 2. I like females and only females. I have taken college classes since 16, and now Excel formats are permanently engraved into my brain. I've struggled, fought, and gotten better.

I don't think there's any problem with being shy. I understand wanting to hide in your group of friends. I still do that, but not with such crappy people anymore. You can still have fun while hiding (Hide and go seek was the ****) and be your own person. However, there's a difference between being a wallflower and never sharing your opinions.

I'm my own spokesperson on this blog. I'm my own spokesperson for 95% of my life now. I started the Internet to become my own person. It made me feel good. It made me feel like my own person for once in my young life.

When you're not outspoken, people speak for you. That's good if they're saying the right things.

 It's okay if you're not speaking. It's not okay if you're suffocating from people who are speaking over you. It's not okay if you're not living the life you want to live because people are being assholes and speaking for you and what you want.

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