Feelings.

Feelings.

   4/02/2015       Unknown

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We all know that word. We all have feelings, ranging from what we feel about our partners, friends, family, and how we felt watching the last ten minutes of the season finale of How To Get Away With Murder. We even try to hide from our feelings. Some of us can succeed doing so.

I think that feelings are one of the very few things on this Earth that are truly ours. Things like where we live and the things we own can be taken from us so easily. But we have our feelings no matter what, even if we want to turn them off sometimes more than we should. 

I never really knew what to do with my feelings in life. I guess I still don't. Do I sleep them off? Do I ignore them until they go away? Do I write a book? Do I write the silliest blog post ever?

It's so hard sometimes. Life is hard sometimes. I think that's something we, as a society, forget too often. It's hard to be true to others and ourselves, and often times, it's only in our worst moments we are truly honest with ourselves.

I just like listening to Brand New by myself at 4 am, okay. I didn't ask for anything but what I demanded, which weren't the normal life things that seem to plague my life nowadays. I'm not just talking about my feelings towards HTGAWM, either.

Although, let's be real here, I have a lot of feelings about HTGAWM.

I guess I've kind of always sucked at feelings. I'm always really rude when it comes to them. I hate feeling them. They make me feel awful 90% of the time, and let's not even get started about talking about them.

I can't do it. I don't like to be anywhere near what I'm feeling, which is sad because I'm always right by my feelings. I feel to decide I don't like my feelings. 

I know that's why I suck at relationships and that's why the last few times I've gotten close to having a relationship I just kind of stopped until whatever we had disappeared. I guess that's fine by me, but it also ruined whatever friendship we had going on. Which is sad, because I usually do like my friends, if I like anyone.

I guess I turn cute feelings I have for others into angry feelings. I should probably work on that. I really should. I think that's why, I, as an individual, really, really, really suck.

It's just hard to break out of a habit you've had for so long, though. It's so hard when your automatic response to something isn't an answer anymore because you dictate it to be inadequate now. I think if I'm going to mess up with anything, it's probably going to be that.

I slept all day today to avoid feelings I've been having for a long time now. Should probably go back to sleep, if I want to be up in the next two hours. And for any of my readers out there, face your feelings.