Nationalism & You

Nationalism & You

   3/29/2017       Unknown

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Unpopular opinion: American nationalism is annoying.

Before I get called a member of ISIS or *gasp* a communist, hear me out.

The United States is flawed. Just like every other country, despite what hanging around on Polandball will tell you. I mean, Liechtenstein made a friend in 1866, but they didn't have women's suffrage until 1984.

this is my polandball oc her name is DevamgunWW2BestcountyTrumpPence leave a favorite and check out my other artwork and don't forget to watch me for more Polandball and Sonic fanart <3

I think that I'm getting more fed up with American nationalism the more I learn about other countries and learn about politics. Look, America has a lot of cool things about it. Like the fact I can, in less than a mile, reach a McDonald's. Also, freedom of religion, so I can practice my faith on this blog as a good Christian woman should.

I also think that the entire platform Trump ran his campaign on irritated me, too.

Look, I'm all for you using your American flag emoji on July 4th and every other day you please. However, when you take every critique of your country to heart and tell people on Facebook to go move to the middle east, that is when I have a problem.

America's court system? Broken. We care more about the image of, "Bad guys need prison where they can get raped lol" than "How do we make these people contribute to society in positive ways". America's school system? Broken. Why can't we teach other languages from an early age to help out these kids? It would provide more jobs and more opportunities for our future. Why does college cost so much? Dunno, but at least we are America! America's infant mortality rate, considering it's a first world country? Embarrassing.

I like to think of America as a small business:
Some people need to believe in it to get it off the ground. However, refusing to admit your flaws in business is going to fuck up your business.

I am not saying that we should run America like a business. 

I mean, plenty of people wanted that when they voted for Trump. With this in mind, they also believed he would bring back coal jobs when oil is cheaper. Half of being an American is finding where you could get something cheaper! Delicious, juicy capitalism tells us to maximize profits, so labor needs to be cheap.

Whatever. People thought Trump was going to fix the divided America. I don't know why they thought that, but I also don't understand why we allow Peppa Pig to exist. So there's that, I guess.

You should be allowed to critique systems in your country without being told that you're communist scum and need to go live in the middle east. How are we supposed to allow change when a good portion of the population meet it with, "COMMIE SCUM HOW DARE YOU GO AGAINST WHAT THE ARMED FORCES OF THIS COUNTRY HAVE ALLOWED THEY DID NOT DIE FOR THIS YOU ARE A FEMNAZI MOO-SLUM"? Just asking for a friend. Mostly so I can make accurate Polandball strips for my OC, DevamgunWW2BestcountryTrumpPence.

I blame what we're taught in schools. I'll give you my whole knowledge of history prior to reading historical webcomics here:

1. America used to be a colony.
2. America's founding fathers were rebellious motherfuckers who wanted to make America all official. 
3. Britains = bad
4. What are other countries lmao
5. WW1 was started by the assassination of Archeduke Franz Ferdinand. I don't even think we learned about the Austro-Hungary Empire, looking back now. 
6. Germany got involved, so eventually they had to pay war reparations to France.
7. These war reparations led to the rise of Adolf Hitler, a bad man who hated Jews
8. The Holocaust started WW2, apparently 
9. The Allies, which contained AMERICA, singlehandedly destroyed the Axis Powers. 
10. We talked about the nuclear bombs we dropped on Japan for a second, but those bombs were justified because Japan was bad.
11. The Cold War? What was that?
12. Uh, America never lost a war. I mean, what is Vietnam, anyways? It sounds like a word you would cough up while choking on orange juice. 
13. Then the Civil Rights Movement happened. Martin Luther King Jr singlehandedly gave every black the right to be free.
14. Then we elected Obama, who is black, so we are no longer racists. 

No mention of any of the previous conflict between European countries. I remember watching APH and wondering why France and Britain were always fighting. Turns out they have had a lot of conflict in history. Oh, I didn't learn about that. Why? Because we're AMERICA!

My junior year of high school, I took a government class because I needed it to graduate and I really needed to graduate so I didn't end up like one of those kids from your high school who rap about how their dad left them or whatever. We already had one of those. He deleted me off Facebook for saying Trump probably wasn't a good person to give your vote to. Anyways, my government teacher was big on this image of America. We went over the constitution and the Bill of Rights. He spent a month on the right to own a gun, while barely going over any other rights. 

It would have been interesting if he could have possibly incorporated why we had that right, why he thought it was important, and so on. I got to say, I'm not exactly on either side of the gun debate until I read up more about it. I want to see statistics to really solidify my opinions, and so far I've seen things that make me have mixed opinions. But no, he told us that guns were America. 

Whatever, I'm going to shut up before I get attacked over that. 

It's just concerning to listen to people who are blind to their patriotism and hatred of all things different, and realize that these people with no knowledge outside of their tiny little world and those terrifying moo-slums are changing the country with their vote.  

I like how these people claim that this is the best country in the world until something happens that they don't like. Like when same-sex marriage became legal nationwide. Then it was Obama's fault for ruining the country. 

Loyalty and no room to critique the country until the luh-barrels do something you don't like.

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Diary Post #165

Diary Post #165

   3/25/2017       Unknown

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So I don't like to talk about my life too much on here. I prefer to bottle up a lot of my emotions, and let them age like a fine wine before anyone can take a sip of them. That's why I've avoided counseling all these years. Oh, and also the fact counseling is expensive. And the fact I just deal better by not talking about things. 

But guess what? 2017 has been a rough year. I mean, I'm laughing at the failure of El Presidente Trump, which makes me a horrible American but a hilarious person to be friends with on Facebook.

First, my grandmother passed away. She was in a lot of pain ever since I was born. She had chronic obstructive pulmonary disease, which is a disease I can't remember the exact words, let alone spell without the help of ol' trusty Google. 

I don't know why I didn't see it coming. I just assumed that she was always going to be there, you know? She had been sick all those years, so I just assumed that she was going to live the normal age of elderly grandmas everywhere. But nope. She got so skinny, so sick, and so bad so fast. 

And I watched it, thinking it was normal.

She never got to see my high school graduation. She never got to see the world. She had to stay at home all those years. 

And you know what? It sucked, but I never really realized it until she passed away. 

Sure, I had other people in my family pass away. Pets, too. But none of them were as influential as my grandmother. 

She raised me. She walked me to the school bus every single day, even though she had this illness that made her struggle every single day. She let me make her entire house a mess without even thinking twice. She even roasted marshmellows for me. 

But now she's gone, and while one part of me is happy that she no longer has to suffer to breathe, there's a chunk of me that feels empty and doesn't know quite how to react. 

My dog had to be euthanized a couple of days ago, too. She had a tumor in her throat that couldn't be fixed. She was vomiting up everything she was eating. I never got to say goodbye to her or my grandmother. 

We used to live in the middle of nowhere, but in the last few years of her life, we moved near a park. She got to go for a real walk in the last few years of her life. She loved it. She jumped around like a rabbit, and barked like she was a tiny puppy again. All of her energy came back from when she was young. I swear you could see a smile on her face. 

I didn't cry when I found out. But I'm crying now. 

I don't really think about death much, but this year is changing that. 

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Worst Characters Ever: Debbie Gallagher Edition

Worst Characters Ever: Debbie Gallagher Edition

   3/11/2017       Unknown

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Teen rapist, teen annoyance, and teen mom all in one!

(Note: please don't be a shithead and send these blog posts to any of the actors/actresses/writers/producers because they're just a little bit of fun here and there. I get it, we want to blend that line of the fictional and real world but people are sensitive.)

I was in happy tears when those last few seconds of season 7 showed Debbie learning welding. But then I learned that we still have at least one more season and that wasn't The Ending. It was supposed to be The Ending in case they didn't get The Renewal, but they got The Renewal, so now more shit is going to go down next year. Which means Debbie still has time to be even more of a fuckup.

Whatever. Bitter blog post can continue.

My friend Nikole started watching Shameless and my warning was, "You're going to want to punch Debbie." Guess what? She's on season 6 and she wants to punch Debbie.

I'm not saying Debbie is badly written. In fact, I think how she turned out fits in line with how she was as a child. She's probably one of the better written characters in the show! But god, does she make me want to rip out my uterus.

It all started when Debbie started going through this thing called puberty. Before that, she was just there. She could save the Gallaghers when Fiona couldn't. She had a lot of potential, really. But to keep the story going for her, they had to funnel her into a trap. I think the moral of the story is that if you're in poverty, it's extremely unlikely for you to get out.

But god damn. Let's just think of what Debbie has done!

1. Debbie raped a guy. Let us not downplay that. She raped an innocent, awkward pizza guy because she wanted to pop her cherry. 

2. She didn't think of the consequences of having a child in her circumstances. 

3. She didn't think how her romantic partner felt about having a child- and even worse, she just didn't care.

4. She forced a young boy into fathering a child he didn't want!

5. She brought a child into the world without thinking of anything past, "I want to be a mommmmmmm!" 

6. Very clearly doesn't understand that actions have consequences. 

Trying to manipulate your sister into having a child so you can raise your kids together is something that I hate her for. No, your sister doesn't need to keep her child! She struggles to feed the kids she already has! So why on earth did you think it was okay to purposefully get knocked up to add to the number of mouths she has? Why not just bring a stray puppy home? They're cuter than a fucking baby and cheaper. 

It's like I'm watching my kid. Except I'm a lesbian. And I'm childfree. And my last name isn't Gallagher. And there's a screen between us. But I just want to flick her in the forehead and tell her to have some fuckin' sense! I can't be the only one!

Sometimes, my roommate tries to be rational with me about fictional characters. She's tried to get me to understand why Jace from Shadowhunters is such a whiny, intolerable fuckface, but I still see him as a whiny, intolerable fuckface. But I don't think she's ever tried to get me to understand Debbie Gallagher. 

And you know what? Very, very few people are trying to get people to 'understand' Debbie Gallagher. If she was a male and did this shit, there's no way in hell anyone would try to excuse this.

shamelesssubredditbonding.jpeg

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Antidepressants

Antidepressants

   2/25/2017       Unknown

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Antidepressants. The thing people who aren't using them feel qualified to talk about.

"Take me away, a secret place, a sweet escape...."

Yes, antidepressants have side effects. But so does every other medication out there! So why does my bottle of zoloft get talked about like it's poisoning me when your thyroid medication is considered necessary to living?

I take antidepressants so I can live a normal life.

When I stop taking them, my body feels numb and I feel like a ragdoll getting tossed around by the elements. I end up crying at every single problem I run into.

If I didn't take this medication, my life would be completely different. 

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"I voted for Trump, not for his..."

"I voted for Trump, not for his..."

   2/16/2017       Unknown

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No, you didn't just vote for Trump.

You voted for his administration and his party. You voted for his campaign promises, which includes ending the Affordable Care Act. You also unknowingly voted for the possibility that he will appoint a supreme court justice who could overturn Obergefell v. Hodges. You voted for him so he would appoint who he felt should be Secretary of Labor, Secretary of Education, etc.

You voted for him because you thought this was a popularity contest, and Trump said all the right things that made you smile and cheer.

So grow the hell up and accept that yes, you did vote for the mess that's going on right now.

(image credit)

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I Don't Have Sympathy

I Don't Have Sympathy

   2/11/2017       Unknown

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Warning: This is surprisingly my opinion, which was formed by my own personal life experiences.

No, I do not have sympathy for mass shooters. Fuck them. They're pathetic losers who don't deserve to breathe the same air as the innocent people they took. Fuck the people who want to package up their sob stories and post collages of their lives with hearts around the edges. Fuck the people who look at the victims and say they deserved it.

Yes, I will probably get some backlash from this post. But you know what? I don't care anymore. I really don't. Why? Because I could have been the victim.

I'm not going to tell my sad sob story, because I don't want sympathy. I don't want coddled and have people telling me I am a brave soul for reporting it. I feel like my reaction was totally normal.

But the perpetrator in my situation wasn't innocent. He sexually harassed me along with many other women. He would push teachers' buttons and tell them they've done nothing with their lives. He is a fucking loser, and don't tell me that your 'heroes' are any different.

'Bullied' is the word we as a society used for these people. I prefer 'low-life', personally.

You know why? Because 20 students at Sandy Hook were little kids who don't get to rush home to see their parents anymore. 13 people at Columbine didn't get to have a future. 49 people at Pulse didn't get to have a fun time at a nightclub.

Fuck the selfish pieces of shit that stole away lives. I hope there is a Hell so these people can burn in it.

People didn't get to see their children grow up because some fuckface decided that they needed to take his anger out on the world. There's people who are going to grow up without a father or a mother because some selfish shitbag couldn't move on from high school taunting.

There's this mentality that anything negative said about the killers in the Columbine massacre is automatically false. Anything the killers say has to be true, because they played God for a couple of hours. As much as I like the insight Brook Browns gave in his AMA, I still don't agree with people pushing the narrative that these people are victims. The second you take a life away is the second you lose the ability to say you're innocent or a victim.

No, you were not a victim of bullying. You believed your feelings were more important than other people.

Fuck, there's multiple reports (including stuff from the perpetuators themselves) of them bullying others!

 And for fuck's sake, I'm tired of seeing some ~dark edgy teen Tumblr~ talk about the survivors of Columbine and calling them blabbermouths. So let me get this straight, you think the survivors should respect them enough to keep their secrets? Despite putting them at risk?

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List of the Worst Fandoms Ever

List of the Worst Fandoms Ever

   2/05/2017       Unknown

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Okay, okay. I gotta clarify before I jump into this, since I know some people are going to be butthurt over this. Some of these things I like. Some. 

However, it is in The Bible we laugh at embarrassing/awful fans of things. And since I am a child of God, I will listen to Him, for it is He who revives me. 

I really can't come up with a numbered list for this, because there is no arbitrary number I can apply to this. There's embarrassing fandoms everywhere. 

I assure you if you can look at this list and think, "Oh god, I was like this," you've succeeded past the embarrassing fan stage. If you look at this list and see what you like on it and can laugh, then good! 

Skam

The fans treat this show as an academy-award winning romantic drama. 

Don't let it fool you; it's a Norwegian teen drama. 

This show should stop tainting my kpop-filled dash, immediately. Or else I'm not going to feel bad when there's an American version. 

Grey's Anatomy

Half of your faves are dead. Let's look at this (accurate) graph:

(credit to this blog) 

It's gone on long enough. Shonda, kill it already. Pull the plug. Do what you did to McDreamy, god damn it! You've went through enough academic journals and you can stop it now. You can focus on making Scandal watchable again, please! 

My Chemical Romance

I actually really love this band. But my god.

Gerard Way is an amazing artist, but he is pretentious when it comes to music. 

If you talk about Gerard or Mikey in any way the fans don't like, you are going to get told their backstories with mental illnesses. Which is dumb, because people need to be held responsible for their actions. And I am saying that as someone who is dealing with mental illnesses of my own. 

Frank fans just seem to like his other bands, and Ray's fans are chill as fuck. 

So, Gerard and Mikey fans, take note. Those are the good kids. 

Axis Powers: Hetalia

I love Hetalia. Hetalia was the very first anime I ever saw. It was also the very first webcomic I read for more than two minutes. It is full of fun facts about history, and the character designs Himaruya has made for each country leave me, as an American artist, sad that we don't value quality character design. 

However, the fans give me so much secondhand embarrassment. Just go to any Hetalia video on YouTube and look at the comments. They'll mention about how they made a Hetalia reference in their social studies class and how them and their weeb friends got it. Or worse, they'll tell their teacher about Hetalia. 

I don't think I was ever like this. I mean, my phone background is of Austria because well, why the fuck not? I also have a Hetalia sticker on my Mac, but since I am so ashamed of the fandom I don't take my Mac anywhere now. I know that people probably don't know what it is, but oh god, what if someone does?! I can't have my street cred ruined by this. 

The bright side is that most of their comments are six years old or more, meaning they have most likely graduated high school by now and aged their feelings about Hetalia like fine wine.  

Also, there's a bunch of anime fans who do this shit, so I don't want to single out Hetalia for this very reason. But, I mean, are you mentioning Ouran Highschool Host Club to your innocent teachers? Probably not. The one thing I have against Host Club is the fact Onision likes it, but that's a topic for a different day. 

Sports!

I'm writing this on Superbowl Sunday, but that doesn't mean I have to pretend to understand the appeal of it. Is the appeal food? Because that's the appeal for me. 

I don't get it. Why watch some sweaty men run around a field with a ball? 

Superwholock

It's 2017. 

It is 2017 and I still have to see Supernatural, Sherlock, and Doctor Who fans. What's even worse, though, is the combo of the three. Sure, you can like one of those and still be annoying, but somehow being a fan of all three is the most irritating thing ever when you are embarrassing enough. 

Don't get me wrong! Doctor Who fans are cool. In my experience, they're just really big nerds I want to hug. 

Sherlock fans, you don't get a lot of stuff to be excited about, so you're not typically spamming my Tumblr dashboard with bullshit. 

Supernatural fans are the ones I really have something against, though. I can't pin it on one thing, exactly. Maybe it's the fact the fucking show should have ended, oh, perhaps 7 seasons ago. Then there's those fans who insist that those two characters are gay for each other. 

I mean, if you look at this and think this belongs on anywhere other than Tumblr, I'm kinkshaming you. 

DC/Marvel

These two are almost interchangeable in the sense that both groups of fans won't admit to themselves their movies typically suck. 

Sonic the Hedgehog

I loved playing Sonic. I even had the fake flash game on my website from years ago. 

Then I saw the fanart, and now I can't look at it again without my eyes burning. 

Steven Universe

'Kay, the vocal minority is what makes this end up on my list. 

My friends love this show, and they're so cute when they talk about this show. They list this as one of the good American animations. One of the people who works on this show is an alumni of my school. I hear good things about the people who work on this show all the time, and one of my favorite celebrities is married to a voice actor from there. 

That doesn't excuse the fact that 5% of the fans make me want to jump off a bridge into a river. 

Mostly the ones who send death threats to people for drawing fan art that doesn't depict the characters in the way they want. Get the hell over yourselves; artists can draw whatever they want. 

Can't the cool people enjoy their genderless space rock show in peace without me having to unfairly lump them in with these crazy people?

True Crime Community

People can be interested in morbid things. I mean, I loved Six Feet Under and (spoiler) everyone dies at the end. 

But the True Crime Community (especially the Columbine people) make me want to pull my hair out. 

Maybe my tolerance for these people breathing the same air as me deteriorated when a kid from my high school wrote an entire story where I have sex with him in both female and male version and then kills everyone off in a school shooting. He would also say that since the school wouldn't let him dress up as Hitler, he wanted to shoot up the school. 

So naturally, I do have a bit of a fear of school shooters. Especially after our school, in my opinion, didn't take the situation seriously enough. What is even better is that another kid brought a gun to school just a couple of weeks ago! 

The second I say something about how screwed up the true crime community can be, I get attacked for 'not understanding them'. I also get called a bitch who doesn't understand the true victim in the situation. What.

Let's look at it this way:

These people love the Columbine shooters, but demonize the Orlando shooter for being homophobic.

What the hell is your logic here? They were all awful people who deserve the awful things said about them- and their supporters- before and after death. Fuck these people. Any other normal, good person can turn the other cheek when someone says something stupid about them. But these fucking idiots couldn't. 

I hope there's an afterlife specifically so these people can burn in hell. 

Milo Yaoipolopussie Fans

 Nobody would care who this guy was if he was straight. Even he knows that. 

Nobody would care who this guy was if he was a liberal. Perhaps he knows that. 

He is a white nationalist attention whore. 

Donald Trump 

This guy. This fucking guy. 

His fans are typically uneducated, in relationships with their sisters, and smell like a Subway sandwich in the back of a dumpster. Either that, or prolife women who want to assure me I need to birth a child out of my vagina to truly live. Uh, no thanks, either way. My culture doesn't like sister-fuckers or children. 

Then there's the normal ones who vote Republican but hate how he is running the country and will speak out against him. Like Mitt Romney. I miss that guy. I have no problem with Romney. #Romney2012 

But people voted for this guy because "he tells it like it is". Except... he doesn't. 

My dad believes that Trump is draining the swamp, but it 'takes time'. Well, I mean, if you count adding alligators and pumping more water in the swamp as draining, then sure! 

I'm just watching this trainwreck unfold right before my eyes, and I feel like an ass for it. I warned people. I protested this shit. But since you know so much better than me, guess you're going to have to live with that feeling you voted for a toddler. 

We could have had anyone else.

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Why the Gilmore Girls Revival Was a Disappointment to Me

Why the Gilmore Girls Revival Was a Disappointment to Me

   1/28/2017       Unknown

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Those four words. Those four stupid words. 

It could have ended any other way and I would be satisfied. Rory could have announced she liked hentai. Rory could have announced she was going back to school. Any. Other. Thing.

Rory is pregnant. Rory. The girl who was taught about safe sex, the girl who never showed any interest in kids, and the girl who didn't even know how to babysit Paris's kids.

Stars Hollow must not have access to birth control with how many women during the show's course get pregnant. I mean, I'm surprised Lane's mom didn't squirt out another.

I get it. The whole message of the show is basically, "If you don't like your family, make a new one!" I mean, that's what they were basically saying with Lorelei and Lane. They were always kept under their mothers' control, so they fell in love too quickly and ended knocked up. Then their life became sunshine and rainbows, because kids solve everything! /s

You know what pisses me off the most about this stupid fucking show? The way they portray motherhood. No, not every child is going to be a gift like Rory Gilmore. Raising a child isn't easy! Sure, it may feel rewarding when your child is graduating from high school with a 3.2 GPA when you got knocked up at 16. But you should have some life goals for yourself.

Not everyone is meant to be a mother. Not everyone is meant to be a father.

So yes, while I don't think Rory is following in her mother's footsteps, I think that the idea that everything is a circle is fucking stupid. When is someone going to leave Stars Hollow forever? When is someone going to never look back from that small town and go become a movie star? When is someone going to go to the stars?!

But nope.

All women ever do in life is date silly boys and eventually get knocked up. If you don't know what to do with a character, knock 'em up. That will provide drama. If you don't know what to do with your college-educated, independent female characters, get them knocked up and make them leave their partner.

Yes, I am a bit bitter that the woman who made a series praised by feminists couldn't write a better ending than the weird guy who thought making Lorelei and Chris marry could.

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Garbage Heap of Hollywood Productions: The Mortal Instruments Movie

Garbage Heap of Hollywood Productions: The Mortal Instruments Movie

   1/14/2017       Unknown

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First of all, I never read the books. Nor do I plan on reading them because I find Jace really fucking annoying and supposedly he's even more annoying in the books. I do however watch the cheesy Freeform show and laugh my ass off whenever something bad happens to him.

I'm watching this movie because I am curious to how this has a 12% on Rotten Tomatoes.

First of all, let me tell you why I am not excited to watch this movie.

The Cast

Lily Collins as Clary Fray 

Jamie Campbell Bower as Jace Wayland

Kevin Zegers as Alec Lightwood

Robert Sheehan as Simon Lewis

Jemima West as Izzy Lightwood

Lily Collins is an overrated actress. Jamie Campbell Bower belongs on /r/punchablefaces, and he always looks like the poster child for white collar crime. I've never heard of Kevin Zegers, but he looks like a douche with a drop of Matt Bomer. He was also in Air Bud! Robert was in Misfits, so it's going to be hard for me to watch this without thinking about the time Nathan had sex with an old lady. Jemima West is pretty, but #NotMyIzzyLightwood

Annnnddddd... why does Clary's mom have an accent? I'm trying my best not to pick at every. single. fucking. thing, but why? Also, why do they have to establish a love triangle so early on? 

"here clary i made you coffee with a bit of my heart and a lot of my jiz- i mean pixie stick dust" 

It's not even 10 minutes into the film and Clary has met both of her love interests. Why can't she be like every other normal person and download Tinder, meeting the man of her dreams after having casual sex with him three times before deciding to take it slow? This movie is 2 hours long? Why? Why in God's name is this 2 fucking hours long? Couldn't you just TL;DW it and simplify it down to "Folger's, but not really. Our home was torn apart by a cup!" 

Movie mistake number 1: 

Clary causes an explosion to kill off a weird creature. The explosion goes out the kitchen window, but then....

there's no burning curtains.

Why are female protagonists thrilled to see that some weird fuck saved them from something awful? Why do they gotta hug? If I had to be saved by some weird fucker, I am not hugging him. Instead, I'd give him a gumball. 

I feel like Jamie Campbell Bower can play Jace as a devious grungy emo a lot better than Dom (from the series) can. Dom plays him as more whiny. I kind of like Jace better in the movie, but I shouldn't speak too soon. 

I like how you can see whatever emotion Lily Collins is trying to convey to the audience through her eyebrows. Give this girl an oscar for those eyebrows. What a wonderful actress.

I like how it took a few books for Simon to become a vampire, but in the movie/series they turn him almost immediately. Simon/Nathan are both immortal! How grand. I totally don't want this movie to end. I totally don't want to watch the last episode of Yuri on Ice right now. I don't want to hear Jerry Jewell's sweet Russian accent, or hear Josh Grelle's dorky voice. Nope, fuck that. This movie is just so damn great. 

I hate how obvious a Mary Sue Clary is in this movie. I think it's just something about Lily Collins that makes it obvious. 

"what are you saying i am a master shadowhunter alec at least i'm not gay"

"i am not gay you're gay"

"alec if i was gay my panties wouldn't be dripping wet when i almost kissed your brother"

"TELL ME HOW HIS LIPS FELT YOU SLUT I HAVE WAITED TO FEEL THOSE SINCE MUH BALLS DROPPED"

"that's... a little gay alec"

hentai.jpeg

I'm too old for this tween supernatural movie. I don't care about Simon or Jace wanting Clary. I don't care about who she is going to end up with. You know what I feel when I see this? 

Bored. 

I feel bored.

Okay, I really do prefer Jamie as Jace. He's so much more snarky and an asshole in the movie. And you know what we do to snarky assholes on this blog? We promote them. 

But you know what I don't like? The rest of the fucking movie. Why the hell did I watch this? Why did I not listen to Milayna? Why did I not listen to Rotten Tomatoes? Why couldn't this end with the reveal that Jace and Clary were the stars in a Folger's commercial this whole time? I'm so bored of this. I can't even make fun of it anymore.

Fun fact: If you look up Mary Sue in the dictionary, Clary would probably show up. Just look at this and tell me how this bitch isn't a Mary Sue to a T. Yes, without practice she has these strong magical powers and knows how to draw all these cool runes. Fuck this. 

tfw your crush is your brother!!! #JustTheMortalInstrumentsThingies

Every minute in this movie feels like an eternity. I just want this to end so I don't have to stare at Lily Collins' eyebrows anymore. Also, I want to watch my gay ice skating anime. I have twenty more minutes of this and I'm not sure why they felt it was necessary to drag it on for this long. If they cut out all the stupid Jace and Clary stuff, it would be over. 

Also why didn't the ice flying directly at Jace and Clary kill them? This has nothing to do with the fact that Lily Collins annoys me, but more of my curiosity. Okay, it may have a little bit to do with the Collins thing. 

Why did this shitty movie have to end with a shitty motorcycle ride into the distance? But then again, why did I think this shitty movie was going to end up any other way?

Good things:

The fight scenes

The special effects are so much better in the movie than on the television show

Jamie Campbell Bower

The fact they never made a sequel

"Somebody told me you like to play music." *proceeds to slam head into a piano*

Bad things:

Everything else.

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