Posts
Review: The Snack Mix Cheez-It Stuff (I Can't English)
how to make your children content with just a box
I can't remember the first time my mother bought me these, but all I know is that it was the day I experienced a rebirth. Suddenly, I knew I needed to get my life together. I needed to switch to a STEM major to support my children and my wife, Lindsey. I told all my relatives I loved them. I stopped taking my medication for my back and suddenly I learned how to fly.
(if you take any of this seriously, you're a fucking idiot.)
I knew my purpose, and it was all thanks to Cheez-It.
It made me a strong, powerful woman who could lift houses. I got superpowers that made me the perfect human being. I could save fourth-graders trapped inside for recess. I could save my cat from existential crises.
See, if love is metaphorically a battlefield, I could imagine me taking a bullet to save a box of this beautiful treasure found on Earth.
This snack convinced me that God is indeed real. All of his good was put in this delicacy. This is American Culture. This is... living.
We need more food like this on Earth. 10000000/10.
Go buy some today.
(This was not sponsored by anyone. I, unfortunately, am still very poor. If you would like to change that, htc.)
0 comments :
Post a Comment